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After discovering that his mother is dying, an exiled gangster turned priest must reconcile with the family he abandoned; but when his vengeful ex partner in crime threatens their lives, he must choose between his faith and his family.
A rewrite, just for the sake of tightening (and fixing the fact that it seems to have 2 inciting incidents):After discovering his mother is dying, an exiled gangster turned priest must confront his vengeful ex partner in crime, in order to return and see her.In case the final "her" confuses the readRead more
A rewrite, just for the sake of tightening (and fixing the fact that it seems to have 2 inciting incidents):
In case the final “her” confuses the reader (since “her” can be the ex partner in crime), you can also say:
People on this forum have mentioned several times (and rightly so) that “choosing between A and B” or “deciding something” cannot be the logline’s ACTION.
Choosing or deciding, first of all, is an internal process. Find the externalised manifestation of it and call it ACTION.
Second, choosing/deciding is a momentary action. So, he chooses A. The end. Unless complications arise. Then, we need to know how he deals with the complications. That, then, is the action, not “choosing.”
But your logline is definitely in better shape now.
See lessA police officer kills a powerful alien, and many Earthlings are infested by another. The second alien leader and the officer’s future-timeline son hold grudges against the cop for murdering their dear ones.
UPDATE #2:The opportunity to prevent his father from murdering his mother urges a young fighter to travel through time with his friends, to when a war was raging between humans and a deranged alien.?
UPDATE #2:
The opportunity to prevent his father from murdering his mother urges a young fighter to travel through time with his friends, to when a war was raging between humans and a deranged alien.
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See lessUsing a weapon bestowed upon him by a shamed doctor, a homeless man conquers his country. A dead body sees through its mind?s eye a war fought with lasers involving billions, and Canada?s ministerial election.
UPDATE #2: A young patriot who fought and received accolades in the Laser War is recruited for efficiently leading a double life, to seduce and spy on an ex-politician and perceived threat to his country.
UPDATE #2:
A young patriot who fought and received accolades in the Laser War is recruited for efficiently leading a double life, to seduce and spy on an ex-politician and perceived threat to his country.
See less