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“Following the release of a popular drug that makes sleep obsolete, some people start committing crimes in waking-dreams known as ‘Recals’ and a Dream-Detective must determine the lucidity of each suspect while secretly investigating with his own recurring Recal.” (1 Hour TV Scifi/Drama Series) Updated Version.
gilligaj: Again, I like the core concept.? But while my prefrontal cortex is willing to suspend disbelief, my limbic system... not so much.? Not yet. The latter is hung up on what passes for "justice" in your story world.? As I illustrated by the analogy to DUI.? Now if that's the way you want to goRead more
gilligaj:
Again, I like the core concept.? But while my prefrontal cortex is willing to suspend disbelief, my limbic system… not so much.? Not yet. The latter is hung up on what passes for “justice” in your story world.? As I illustrated by the analogy to DUI.? Now if that’s the way you want to go, and if you can conjure up a scenario, an explanation that feels right for your story world , that the limbic system of the millions of viewers will buy into, more power to you.
A suggestion:? your pilot might want to include a utility character as skeptical as I am on the justice of it all. Deal with the issue up front, head on (via an argument with the protagonist) and, hence, defuse it.
fwiw
See lessIn 1892, an army captain is ordered to escort his erstwhile enemy, a dying Cheyenne chief, through hostile territory so he can be buried in his tribal lands.
Good questions and points.The army captain has no particular character flaw that jeopardizes the success of his mission.? He's a competent fighter and leader. The proof is that he just led a successful campaign to defeat the Cheyenne chief. A war in which atrocities were committed on both sides.So wRead more
Good questions and points.
The army captain has no particular character flaw that jeopardizes the success of his mission.? He’s a competent fighter and leader. The proof is that he just led a successful campaign to defeat the Cheyenne chief. A war in which atrocities were committed on both sides.
So when he’s ordered to reverse roles and protect rather than fight his erstwhile foe, he initially refuses to obey. ? But he’s on the verge of retiring; if he doesn’t obey, he’ll be expelled and won’t get his pension.? So he salutes and saddles up.
The reason the captain must escort the Cheyenne chief is because the journey home for the Cheyenne is through hostile Comanche tribal lands. Hostile for both the captain and the chief;? the Cheyenne and Comanche are enemies.
So maybe something like:
In 1892, an army captain reluctantly obeys his orders to escort his erstwhile bitter enemy, a dying Cheyenne chief, through hostile territory so he can be buried in his tribal lands.? (31 words)
Not the strongest logline with irresistible sizzle, I grant? you.? But the writer had the advantage of already being an industry insider with a proven track record as a writer and director. He wasn’t an outsider who had to deploy a logline to cross the castle moat, breach the gates, overcome the guards to get inside the Biz, get his script read — and produced.? He could promote the script through his agent and his industry network.
See lessA shy adolescent is forced to question her identity when she and a mysterious new friend are chased across the States by a vengeful Police Officer.
Check out the "Our formula" tab to help with formatting. What's the Inciting Incident? Is it the introduction of the new friend? When they start being chased? What does "forced to question her identity" look like visually? Film is a visual medium so keep in mind how things will appear to the audiencRead more
Check out the “Our formula” tab to help with formatting.
What’s the Inciting Incident? Is it the introduction of the new friend? When they start being chased?
What does “forced to question her identity” look like visually? Film is a visual medium so keep in mind how things will appear to the audience and how that will be conveyed over 90mins+
What’s her objective goal? To figure out why they’re being chased? To get to somewhere? To find out her friend’s secret? To survive?
Why is the cop vengeful? What’s happened to make him want vengeance? I’m guessing this is something to do with the mysterious friend but this makes our heroine a bit of a bystander in her own story. Stuff’s happening to her and around her but she’s not pushing the story forward. She’s being dragged through.
The inciting incident and the goal work as a question ?and answer. When the inciting incident happens, what will the protagonist do in response? ?In Jaws for example – When a shark eats a tourist and threatens the summer tourist boom the sheriff must kill the shark. Q & A. The question must be the event that sets the story in motion – in yours it could be a couple of things (as mentioned above) and without knowing which is the important one it’s difficult to know what her goal is. This is where I would focus your attention.
I hope this makes sense and helps in someway.
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