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A confident woman reaches a small and mysterious motel, where she is forced to take a look back at her life. (Short)
>>>>>a terrible secret, putting her in immediate danger. This version sets up (vaguely) a situation for a plot, but does not follow through with a clearly defined plot. Alas, it amounts to hiding the game ball. A logline reader has no clue what the secret could be. No clue what the daRead more
>>>>>a terrible secret, putting her in immediate danger.
This version sets up (vaguely) a situation for a plot, but does not follow through with a clearly defined plot. Alas, it amounts to hiding the game ball. A logline reader has no clue what the secret could be. No clue what the danger is. And no clue as to the woman’s objective goal in response to the danger.
What is there about the “terrible secret” that makes it the inciting incident that puts her in danger?? What is that danger? What must she do about it?
What is her objective goal?
See lessA washed-up singer and a one-time novelist spend the night falling in love, but a dark secret from his past threatens to destroy their relationship.
I like the idea of two fallen stars finding each other and in the process not only growing as characters but also reanimating their careers. The problem with your logline is that a "dark secret from his past" is really vague and you'll have problems visualizing it in the process of your story. WhatRead more
I like the idea of two fallen stars finding each other and in the process not only growing as characters but also reanimating their careers.
See lessThe problem with your logline is that a “dark secret from his past” is really vague and you’ll have problems visualizing it in the process of your story. What is the secret of the protagonist and why is it preventing him from having a relationship with another person?
I say this because secrets are often, almost always, part of romance movies- both drama and comedy.
So in order to have a hook in your story, you need to describe his secret properly.
His outer goal is to get (keep) the woman, but his inner goal is to overcome his past and reveal his secret in order to be sincere to the beloved woman.
Now you can go on to explain the secret and build the obstacles for your protagonist.
When a human cared jackdaw learns to fly it must be accepted by its original colony on the town square, but when a cruel politician hunts the colony into a cold forest, the jackdaw is being blamed and must rebuild trust to the town people so the colony can return home.
No problem, happy to help! The issue is that they make the square dirty and noisy - this isn't going to change if they return back there. So the protagonist jackdaw ends up moving away from the colony? Where to? I think that if the story is about the jackdaw finding himself then maybe the Act I to IRead more
No problem, happy to help!
The issue is that they make the square dirty and noisy – this isn’t going to change if they return back there.
So the protagonist jackdaw ends up moving away from the colony? Where to? I think that if the story is about the jackdaw finding himself then maybe the Act I to II turn is actually him getting pushed out from the colony for getting them kicked out of their town square home. Then the jackdaw can spend act II struggling to find ways back in to the colony by trying to sort out a way for them to move back home, only to realise that he actually doesn’t need the colony.
The B-Story is probably the relationship with the person who cared for him. I love the idea of this jackdaw returning back to this guy and trying to get a human’s help to achieve his goal.
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