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When Fiona discovers she is half-angel, haf-demon, she is got up in the war between angels and demons over the human race and must choose a path to follow that will destroy or save the human race
Check out the formula tab to help with formatting. Check spelling and grammar too. We don't need names in a logline. It adds nothing but an unnecessary word. We don't learn anything about a character from their name so it's far more important to give us a word that tells us something interesting. MaRead more
Check out the formula tab to help with formatting. Check spelling and grammar too.
We don’t need names in a logline. It adds nothing but an unnecessary word. We don’t learn anything about a character from their name so it’s far more important to give us a word that tells us something interesting.
Making a decision (save or destroy the human race) is not a good goal. Imagine watching someone decide something. All the action is happening inside their head and it could take 10 seconds or it could take a year. You need to give her a visual goal because film is a visual medium.
If she’s half-angel/half-demon, what’s at stake for her if the human race is destroyed? Has she been brought up as a human? Why her? Why is she the only one who can make this decision?
I feel like we need more specifics to really understand the story here and it would benefit from following the formula recommended on this site.
See lessWhen a self-described ?monster? is released from prison after 25 years, he must confront his past and modern America on the 2000 mile trip home with his only friend for company; the person who betrayed him. That?s me.
If you say you betrayed him, it sounds as if you were the co-conspirator who turned state's evidence and got off free while he went to jail. On the other hand, if you were the witness (or victim) whose testimony sent him to jail, then you did not betray him. Either way, I think the logline would beRead more
If you say you betrayed him, it sounds as if you were the co-conspirator who turned state’s evidence and got off free while he went to jail.
On the other hand, if you were the witness (or victim) whose testimony sent him to jail, then you did not betray him.
Either way, I think the logline would be strengthened if it mentioned the specific crime and your relationship to it.
See lessA Tremulous young mother who?s children have been taken from cps must escape her abusive husband and get her children back.
I wouldn't use the word 'tremulous' - doesn't do justice to what could be a powerful story. Desperate, determined, frantic are better options.
I wouldn’t use the word ‘tremulous’ – doesn’t do justice to what could be a powerful story. Desperate, determined, frantic are better options.
See less