1. Posted: July 1, 2019In: ,

    A woman struggles to hike 1100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail alone as her recovery program from drug abuse and family tragedy.

    [Deleted User]

    mikepedley85,I take your point about the wording, but I don't think her decision was impulsive.? She starts her hike staggering under a heavy backpack.? Heavy because she took some time to research and purchase items -- too much time, perhaps .? (The heavy backpack is a visual metaphor for the heavyRead more

    mikepedley85,

    I take your point about the wording, but I don’t think her decision was impulsive.? She starts her hike staggering under a heavy backpack.? Heavy because she took some time to research and purchase items — too much time, perhaps .? (The heavy backpack is a visual metaphor for the heavy psychological burden she’s carrying.)? Also, she had the foresight to make arrangements for care packages to be mailed at intervals to various pickup points.

    The way the movie unfolds,? the “syuzhet” , there’s no definitive inciting incident.? She just commences her journey.? Only through the accumulation of backstory moments through flashbacks do we flesh out the “fabula” with the backstory, the personal tragedy and drug abuse problems that preceded and motivated the trek.

    >> is the story known well enough? in the US to user her name.

    The movie is an adaptation of a best-selling book by Cheryl Strayed.? But I think her feat is more widely known than her person.

    Anyway, maybe as an alternate version:

    With no hiking experience or companionship, a woman recovering from drug abuse and family tragedy struggles to hike 1100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail.

    (25 words)

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: June 25, 2019In:

    ? When a distraught chemist evades culpability for killing her overbearing boss during a heated argument, she must fend off a psychotic blackmailer?s escalating demands.

    [Deleted User]

    yqwertz:Thanks for the further clarifications.>> bent on destroying her.But is that really his intention? Based upon the further details you provided, he seems bent on exploiting her skills as a chemist to cook meth.And now that I know that she's a chemist, it seems to me that is a crucial bitRead more

    yqwertz:

    Thanks for the further clarifications.

    >> bent on destroying her.
    But is that really his intention? Based upon the further details you provided, he seems bent on exploiting her skills as a chemist to cook meth.

    And now that I know that she’s a chemist, it seems to me that is a crucial bit of information that needs to be in the logline. She needs to be defined as such. Because that he would demand she cook meth only makes sense if she’s got chemistry chops.

    Frankly, I think that his blackmailing her by demanding sexual favors is more than enough reason for her to want to kill him.? What I think would be more interesting is a logline and plot that focuses on? the chemistry that develops between the two characters rather than any chemistry in a meth lab.

    But it’s your story.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: June 30, 2019In:

    Visited by the ghost of the 1940?s Hollywood icon she?s about to portray, a movie star journeys back in time to get her part right and get her Oscar.

    Richiev Singularity

    Sounds like the lead character found a solution to her problem. The lead wants to win an Oscar and so she travels back in time to observe the real icon in action... problem solvedSo where is the conflict?What stands in the leads way?I only ask this because adding the main conflict of the story willRead more

    Sounds like the lead character found a solution to her problem. The lead wants to win an Oscar and so she travels back in time to observe the real icon in action… problem solved

    So where is the conflict?

    What stands in the leads way?

    I only ask this because adding the main conflict of the story will strengthen your logline.

    See less
    • 0