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When a teenage girl realizes her big sister works as a prostitute to put herself through lawschool, she has to find a way to financially support her, without her sister finding out who the money comes from, or else she will not accept the help and continue with this self destructive work.
You cannot assume that everyone reading this logline will share your view that the sister being a sex worker is a terrible thing. I recommend you take the judgment out of the logline, especially the bit about sex working being self-destructive. You can certainly have a theme that explores sex workinRead more
You cannot assume that everyone reading this logline will share your view that the sister being a sex worker is a terrible thing. I recommend you take the judgment out of the logline, especially the bit about sex working being self-destructive.
You can certainly have a theme that explores sex working being self-destructive but leave it out of the logline.
I’m sure the Pretty Woman logline would focus on Vivian finding true love rather than being rescued from sex working by Edward. Perhaps your logline could focus on the teenage sister finding a way to support her big sister through law school.
See lessWhen a vicious king threatens the peace between the Gifted and Commoners in Athenia, a red headed thief, participates in an illegal ritual where she discovers, she is the last Moonkeeper. To stop the evil in the kingdom, she must take help by an angry warrior, a gold hearted prince and the next king in line with horrific powers, before the world as she knows it, disappears.
It appears as if you have two inciting incidents; 1) A vicious king threatening peace, 2) she discovers she is the last Moonkeeper. So, I believe you have two options - 1) start with - When a vicious king threatens war, the last Moonkeeper must... - or - When a thief discovers she is the last MoonkeRead more
It appears as if you have two inciting incidents; 1) A vicious king threatening peace, 2) she discovers she is the last Moonkeeper. So, I believe you have two options – 1) start with – When a vicious king threatens war, the last Moonkeeper must… – or – When a thief discovers she is the last Moonkeeper, she must stop a war by…
Also, you have a included a physical description (Redhair), which may have some significance in the story, but for us readers of the logline we have no idea what relevance it has so it is redundant. For loglines, it is recommended to stick with character descriptions i.e. hotheaded, adventurous, dutiful
See lessAfter decades of interplanetary warfare, a wealthy inventor leads a team of intrepid adventurers in perfecting a faster-than-light drive to safely scatter humanity among the stars, but greedy corporations and corrupt governments plot to take the technology and steal the future of the human race.
I get the premise, however I'm not clear on what the main action will be for this story. Are the wealthy inventor's top scientists working in a secret lab trying to keep the details of their progress from prying eyes? Are they racing rivals to complete the drive so they can make it affordable for evRead more
I get the premise, however I’m not clear on what the main action will be for this story. Are the wealthy inventor’s top scientists working in a secret lab trying to keep the details of their progress from prying eyes? Are they racing rivals to complete the drive so they can make it affordable for everyone?
See less