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A happy house wife is kidnapped when she finds her husband, a reformed crime lord, back in the act of committing dark evil crimes, leaving him to decide whether or not to save her and how it will affect his empire and himself if he does.
Agree with Richiev. If the house wife is the protagonist, write the whole thing from her perspective. If the husband is the protagonist, write the inciting incident from the husband's perspective. Genre as romance...? There may be elements of romance in there but my gut feeling is that this is moreRead more
Agree with Richiev.
If the house wife is the protagonist, write the whole thing from her perspective. If the husband is the protagonist, write the inciting incident from the husband’s perspective.
Genre as romance…? There may be elements of romance in there but my gut feeling is that this is more of a crime film.
Who actually kidnaps the wife? From this logline it sounds a bit like the husband is behind it but I’m pretty sure that’s not the case given that he then has to decide whether or not to save her. With any logline, it’s important not to confuse the reader or leave anything open to interpretation. The words you write in a logline are the only thing that is going to get someone to pick up your script so make every single one count and make sure they are reading the same version of the story that is in your head.
As a goal, making a decision is not a great one. Imagine watching someone, even the best actor in the world, making a decision. It’s all happening inside the actor’s head. You need a goal that requires action that can be seen on screen.
Hope this helps.
See lessDuring the 1950?s in segregated Louisiana, a working-class African American mother and wife struggles with unforeseen births, deaths and racial issues while pursuing an unconventional career.
What specifically does the mother need to achieve? A struggle is good and all but a logline needs to focus the reader's attention at one specific goal. There's also no need to specify that she struggles with racial issues, that is very clear from the setting and period. Leveraging common knowledge,Read more
What specifically does the mother need to achieve? A struggle is good and all but a logline needs to focus the reader’s attention at one specific goal.
See lessThere’s also no need to specify that she struggles with racial issues, that is very clear from the setting and period. Leveraging common knowledge, of this type, in a logline gives power to the premise as the reader puts the pieces together in their mind’s eye without having the obvious spelled out.
Two next door neighbors, one needing to get somewhere and the other to get away, set out on a road trip across America that will redefine what they want from life and from each other.
"Two next door neighbors, one needing to get somewhere and the other to get away, set out on a road trip across America that will redefine what they want from life and from each other." What is the inciting incident? Why must the character leave?right now? The logline should describe a clear, singleRead more
“Two next door neighbors, one needing to get somewhere and the other to get away, set out on a road trip across America that will redefine what they want from life and from each other.”
What is the inciting incident? Why must the character leave?right now? The logline should describe a clear, single event.
See lessAs Richiev mentioned, who is the protagonist? The inciting incident should be specifically for that character.
The goal seems to be to get to a destination. So what is the conflict? Is there a time limit? Are they being chased? Right now, the story seems to be: two neighbors go on a road trip. The logline doesn’t describe a situation which brings up conflict.