1. Posted: November 27, 2017In:

    In a dystopian future, when reaching ‘working age,’ teenage rebel defys his destiny set by a leading class oppressors and will fight for living life his own way, even if it means death.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    JanCabal:>>>Does it have all other ingredients?The antagonist needs to be specific. "Leading class oppressors" is general. And by specific I mean there needs to be an alpha "class oppressor" who dominates and personifies the whole system.? As in "The Hunger Games".? Katniss Everdeen is fighRead more

    JanCabal:

    >>>Does it have all other ingredients?

    The antagonist needs to be specific. “Leading class oppressors” is general. And by specific I mean there needs to be an alpha “class oppressor” who dominates and personifies the whole system.? As in “The Hunger Games”.? Katniss Everdeen is fighting? the oppressive regime of Panam, but the specific person she is fighting against is President Snow.? He is the face of Panem; he is her nemesis. Who is the face of your “class oppressors”?? Who is your protagonist’s nemesis?

    LIkewise the protagonist’s objective goal needs to be made specific and concrete.? “Will fight for living life his own way” can mean anything and everything.? How does “his own way” translate into a distinct objective goal?

    >>>something I am passionate about

    If you are passionate enough to write the script, you are hooked on the premise.? Great!? Now the? challenge is to hook the rest of us on your premise so that we will want to read the script, see the film.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: November 9, 2017In:

    When an alien hunts a woman, she must stop the alien and save the ones captured by him.

    Best Answer
    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Agreed with Craig and Richiev, worth noting that a story should be described within a given time frame - a starting point (inciting incident) and end point (goal). By writing "...an alien hunts a woman..." you're not describing a single incident or point in time rather a period of time - how long haRead more

    Agreed with Craig and Richiev, worth noting that a story should be described within a given time frame – a starting point (inciting incident) and end point (goal). By writing “…an alien hunts a woman…” you’re not describing a single incident or point in time rather a period of time – how long has the hunt been going on for and how long will it go on for?

    Best to use more time specific rhetoric in a logline such as: After an alien attacks a woman…

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  3. Posted: November 2, 2017In:

    A bitter old man plays an advanced virtual reality game and conquers his fear of technology.

    dpg Singularity

    It seems like your looking for a good excuse -- aka: an inciting incident -- that plausibly and logically causes the geezer to play the game.? I would point out that there is a distinct difference between avoiding technology out of fear and avoiding it out of disinterest.? It's not necessarily a chaRead more

    It seems like your looking for a good excuse — aka: an inciting incident — that plausibly and logically causes the geezer to play the game.? I would point out that there is a distinct difference between avoiding technology out of fear and avoiding it out of disinterest.? It’s not necessarily a character flaw to eschew having a cell phone or a Facebook account.? ?It could be a character strength to be able to resist the time and money consuming seductions of modern technology.

    Also, who is the target movie audience?? If the protagonist is an old man, why would young people care to watch the movie?? And why would old people want to watch someone like them being forced to immerse himself in VR against his will?? Someone like them being shown to be an antiquated fool?? Why would old people want him to succeed in mastering VR?

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