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A 19th century jaded farm boy finds an alien ring and is thrown back and forth in time: but on his way back, the boy encounters love, wisdom and, of course, evil time-travelling twins working for a malicious time-crime boss.
I believe the inciting incident would be the lead character becoming captive in time.As a result the lead must find a way back to his own timeline as a goal. While it may seem like finding the ring is the inciting incident, the ring is just the plot device. It could have been a magic brooch, discoveRead more
I believe the inciting incident would be the lead character becoming captive in time.
As a result the lead must find a way back to his own timeline as a goal. While it may seem like finding the ring is the inciting incident, the ring is just the plot device. It could have been a magic brooch, discovering HG Wells laboratory or anything.
How about this attempt:
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“When he becomes trapped in time, a naive farm boy must discover how to get back to his own timeline, all while evading malicious time-boss who’s after the alien artifact he discovered.”
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Hope that helped, good luck with this.
See lessWhen an emotionally detached woman returns home after a decade of uncontrollable jumps into parallel universes, she must reconnect with her estranged father to create a cure before vanishing once again.
>>She has to find a place to put the heart.What about a person? Someone to bond with, to anchor her heart in ?one location?Yeah, I know she's emotionally detached. ?But could that be a problem with the logline as well as the character? ?There's the possibility for arcing to emotional attachmenRead more
What about a person? Someone to bond with, to anchor her heart in ?one location?
Yeah, I know she’s emotionally detached. ?But could that be a problem with the logline as well as the character? ?There’s the possibility for arcing to emotional attachment ?– but no hint of an arc to another person. ?Just a location?
There’s no obvious antagonist. ?I have no problem with that. ?The predicament (flip-flopping in time-space) is good enough for the cause and aggravation of the dramatic problem.
But it seems to me, the logline would benefit by inclusion of another ?character with whom the protagonist is in an emotional relationship. Or wants to be or needs to be.
The obvious go-to relationship character would be a “love interest”.
Or maybe?a stakes character (like a child), some one who needs her.
Or an incentive character whom she desperately needs (subjectively) to be united with.
“Inception” comes to mind. ?Cobb’s undertakes the inception job to be re-united with his children. ?That’s the emotional? draw and payoff for him. ?Not just getting back to his home ?in the U.S. — but the ?humans in that home, his kids.
My own gut feeling is that getting emotionally detached to a place just isn’t compelling enough. ?Rather, the best emotional attachments in drama are to people, not places.
fwiw
See lessA temporary infection storms over the world. Eight strangers are trapped in a restaurant and start experiencing the outcomes of the infection. At each 15 minutes they trade bodies with each other, and their memories go back to when the infection started, leaving they unaware of who they really are.
"...The proble is, we dont have a protagonist here..." - YUP! I strongly suggets you read the 'Training' tab on the top bar, your loglines lack crucial elements and are too long. In this case the plot becomes a device to trap a group of unsuspecting misfits together, and the stories that evolve as aRead more
“…The proble is, we dont have a protagonist here…” – YUP!
I strongly suggets you read the ‘Training’ tab on the top bar, your loglines lack crucial elements and are too long.
In this case the plot becomes a device to trap a group of unsuspecting misfits together, and the stories that evolve as a result of their interpersonal conflicts are what make up the film.
On face value this runs the risk of being melodramatic and appeal to a very small number of audiences. What made the Cube work so well was the constant risk to the characters lives – they could have been killed by an unknown force at any time, BUT they could equally escape the killing force with team work and their own smarts.
In your case they are all infected and have nothing to do to stop the infection, there is no big but they could do this… So the audience havn’t got that glimmer of hope that they’ll get out of the situation unscathed in the end. The body swap element is confusing in my mind, not sure how it fits in with the plot or how it contributes to the story.
Bottom line is: What is their goal? To survive, but how will they achieve it…?
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