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Home Invasion – A brilliant engineer and his family get trapped in their home when his highly sophisticated, prototype security device goes rogue.
This one's tough. ?It's a good idea. ?A cool monster in the box. ?And a nice dose of irony. But to really hook us we need that impending danger. ?The security system is?going to kill them.?There's something that's keeping it from outright killing them, but maybe that something is temporary, wearingRead more
This one’s tough. ?It’s a good idea. ?A cool monster in the box. ?And a nice dose of irony.
But to really hook us we need that impending danger. ?The security system is?going to kill them.?There’s something that’s keeping it from outright killing them, but maybe that something is temporary, wearing off, “processing”… ?This feels like Asimov and the 3 rules where one of them has been perverted and now the machine is working out that the best way to keep the hero safe is first by killing his family and eventually by killing him. ?If so that gives us a ticking clock. ?Whatever the circumstances, the implication is that something pivotal is going to happen that is going to make the house kill the hero and his family.
So give us that. ?This won’t be a simple rework of word choice in the existing log line unfortunately. ?You’ll have to come at it fresh. ?But you have all the pieces so you’ll get it. ?Focus on the mortal danger. ?The machine you trust to keep you safe kills you. ?That’s your hook.
See lessA woman wakes from an experiment she can?t remember signing up for, and is told she can leave as soon as the rest of her memories return. But when the other patients start disappearing without a trace, she begins to doubt whether the memory existed in the first place.
It?s a little hard to understand.? Maybe you could clarify the setting. (a future lab?)? I think you could cut down on a few words to make it more concise and give the main character a better title than ?Woman?.? + give her a flaw.. something to make her interesting? ?
It?s a little hard to understand.? Maybe you could clarify the setting. (a future lab?)? I think you could cut down on a few words to make it more concise and give the main character a better title than ?Woman?.? + give her a flaw.. something to make her interesting? ?
See lessA woman is found drifting naked in space, with no memory of who she is, how she has destructive abilities or why she is immortal. She sets out to find an imprisoned space drifter like her, only to be hunted by those terrified of who they may be…. and who they may become.
Most good loglines do not exceed 30 words, and yet with in those precious few lines so much is told - the key is economy. It's not so much that you should include more words in future drafts of your logline, on the contrary in fact I'd say you need less, it's that you should only describe the plot cRead more
Most good loglines do not exceed 30 words, and yet with in those precious few lines so much is told – the key is economy.
It’s not so much that you should include more words in future drafts of your logline, on the contrary in fact I’d say you need less, it’s that you should only describe the plot critical elements.
Inciting incident, main character, main character flaw, antagonist (if necessary) and goal are all that a logline really needs.
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