1. Posted: May 3, 2016In:

    Hundreds of years into the future, when war erupts between a terrorist organization and all the countries of the world, a naive, talented, orphan, unknowingly made to kill, is dragged into the war and forced to confront the harsh realities of war by piloting a deadly machine to bring peace to the world while protecting the ones who are important to him.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Agreed with Dkpough1 and DPG, this is too long and wordy for a logline. Think economy and plot, how can you describe the minimum story critical plot points with the least number of words. Secondly adding to the above comments, the twist of the terrorist turning out to be freedom fighters or the "gooRead more

    Agreed with Dkpough1 and DPG, this is too long and wordy for a logline.

    Think economy and plot, how can you describe the minimum story critical plot points with the least number of words.

    Secondly adding to the above comments, the twist of the terrorist turning out to be freedom fighters or the “good guys” can work in the story but not the logline. Best not to make the plot or motivations of any character or group vague in a logline in the hopes of hinting at a twist.

    Most terrorists think they are freedom fighters so no need to describe them as such either in future drafts of the logline.

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  2. Posted: May 1, 2016In:

    Thanks all for the help. Re working it now.

    dpg Singularity

    >>I think the line would read a little different in IMDb.As well it should. ?The summary, or blurb, ?in IMDB ?pitches to a different market -- the viewing audience. ?Who are being enticed to invest a $10-12 dollars, a couple of hours in the film. ?The logline pitches to movie makers who are beRead more

    >>I think the line would read a little different in IMDb.

    As well it should. ?The summary, or blurb, ?in IMDB ?pitches to a different market — the viewing audience. ?Who are being enticed to invest a $10-12 dollars, a couple of hours in the film. ?The logline pitches to movie makers who are being enticed to ?invest tens of millions of dollars, and ?two or more years of their lives in the project.

    One other suggestion: ?think franchise. ?If she’s the love child of an alien that opens up all kinds of story possibilities, sequels…prequels… graphic novels… video games… action toys.

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  3. Posted: April 29, 2016In:

    A drug addicted private investigator must partner up with an android detective to solve?the mystery of how and why his sister induced an AI to murder her.

    CMathias Logliner

    Thanks all for your honest feedback; I see that the drug addiction part is maybe a bit too much "used-up" and could be a potential turn-off because it's too obvious an attribute for a PI.The purpose of the attribute for the PI is to suggest conflict between him and the android right there in the logRead more

    Thanks all for your honest feedback; I see that the drug addiction part is maybe a bit too much “used-up” and could be a potential turn-off because it’s too obvious an attribute for a PI.

    The purpose of the attribute for the PI is to suggest conflict between him and the android right there in the logline, and also hint at the theme. I’ll try and find something different, like “manic-depressive”; might take me some time to make up my mind. But I think I need this suggestion of conflict as a “hook” (see dpg’s comments 🙂

    In any case, I think it’s mostly nailed down now and I can now start with the story proper 🙂

    EDIT: After thinking it over, I’ve decided to keep the “drug addiction” in the logline. I think it adds some spice, and since it’s a contentious point with you dear reviewers, I’d rather have people love it or hate it than everybody being lukewarm.

    Let’s start cracking!

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