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When an old foe returns and takes control of a doomsday weapon, an admiral who feared his time was over must utilise all the tricks his experience taught him to save his ship and crew.
Hi Zodrak. 1. Why does the old foe use a doomsday weapon only on one ship? He could do more damage than that I suspect and put many more in danger, which would up the stakes, making the longline stronger 2. The admiral seems like a blank page. You could shorten "who feared his time was over" by usinRead more
Hi Zodrak.
1. Why does the old foe use a doomsday weapon only on one ship? He could do more damage than that I suspect and put many more in danger, which would up the stakes, making the longline stronger
See less2. The admiral seems like a blank page. You could shorten “who feared his time was over” by using something like world-worn as an adjective. It hints to a psychological state. Also the antagonist is missing a descriptive adjective which makes it hard to envision the struggle between them.
3. What doomsday weapon are we talking about here? Making it specific might make it easier to visualise the story concept.
4. It sounds like hero and villain have history together, maybe that could be hinted at as well if it doesn’t make the longline too long…
A grieving father and his teenage daughter teams up with four other cadets to stop androids from invading Earth from an evil emperor.
Sounds cool, consider the following to strengthen your logline: 1. Why a father and daughter team to save the world? What’s makes them qualified? 2. You mentioned cadets, what kind of cadets are you referring to, and can your protag father being linked as their leader or teacher – hope you see whereRead more
Sounds cool, consider the following to strengthen your logline:
1. Why a father and daughter team to save the world? What’s makes them qualified?
2. You mentioned cadets, what kind of cadets are you referring to, and can your protag father being linked as their leader or teacher – hope you see where I’m going with this.
3. Who is your baddie (emperor) and what is his goal? Think about all the Sci-Fi shows we’ve seen, what makes this emperor and his minions unique?
Keep going!
See lessAfter aliens abandon an imminent victory against Earth, an alien Ally and a courageous lieutenant join forces in an audacious plan to stop the extinction of the solar system.
Why would the aliens abandon an imminent victory? It makes no sense and has no relationship to the goal of stopping the extinction of the solar system. Why is the solar system going extinct anyway? Without knowing what specifically is happening, the reader will never understand the plot. What are thRead more
Why would the aliens abandon an imminent victory? It makes no sense and has no relationship to the goal of stopping the extinction of the solar system. Why is the solar system going extinct anyway? Without knowing what specifically is happening, the reader will never understand the plot. What are they actually going to do to stop the extinction of the solar system? Surely the inciting incident is actually the discovery that the solar system is going to be wiped out…?
See less