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The early life and career of the 5 Elements’ founder Rosh Goldman is presented alongside the rise of extremism in the Middle East, while the Rhodium Golems reunite one year after their victory to prevent the resurrection of Project Athena.
Hi Swevius, Your story seems to be interesting but I didn't get much while reading it. I had to search the name "Rosh Goldman" because I thought it was a real person. It is probably the name of your main character. I'm currently studying a screenwriting program (that suggests submitting one's loglinRead more
Hi Swevius,
Your story seems to be interesting but I didn’t get much while reading it. I had to search the name “Rosh Goldman” because I thought it was a real person. It is probably the name of your main character. I’m currently studying a screenwriting program (that suggests submitting one’s logline on this website actually). One of their advise is not to name your character because we don’t really need it and in your case, it was very confusing. What are Rhodium Golems and Project Athena ?
Instead of giving their names, you should shortly describe them so that we can identify them as the antagonist or protagonist or what’s at stake.
Also even if it’s important to you, while presenting your project I believe it could put you and your project in a disavantage point to mention any spectic geography or political references.
Last point of suggestion, “is presented”, make your main character more active and do something. Your formulation makes him look passive and therefore not really interesting to follow on his journey.
Hope these feedbacks and thoughts will help you. Keep it up ! Take care
BO
See lessAn entitled alien prince teams up with a ditzy teenage girl to help him must travel back in time to alter future events in order to save his planet.
Fun idea! I'd love to see descriptions of the protagonists, especially if they are an unlikely pair who are forced together because of circumstances out of their control. For example: An exuberantly loyal alien prince and a sullen, despondent teenage girl A desperate alien prince and a ditzy teenageRead more
Fun idea! I’d love to see descriptions of the protagonists, especially if they are an unlikely pair who are forced together because of circumstances out of their control. For example:
An exuberantly loyal alien prince and a sullen, despondent teenage girl
A desperate alien prince and a ditzy teenage valley girl
An entitled young alien prince and a poverty-stricken teenage girl
If you already have the characters flushed out, just add the appropriate descriptive words. If you don’t have ideas of who the characters are yet, work on that first and it will inevitably make the logline more interesting.
Hope this is helpful 🙂
See lessAfter stealing a prototype drug synthesizer, a confused teen and an older war veteran think they’ve got it made, but their world falls apart after several dangerous drug gangs and corporate interests come looking for the prototype.
Again, but a little punchier: After stealing a prototype drug synthesizer, a confused teen and an older war veteran think they’ve got it made, but they find themselves on the run from dangerous drug gangs and corporate interests searching for the stolen tech.
Again, but a little punchier:
After stealing a prototype drug synthesizer, a confused teen and an older war veteran think they’ve got it made, but they find themselves on the run from dangerous drug gangs and corporate interests searching for the stolen tech.
See less