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Chris has been brutalized throughout the history of mankind, turned into a demon by God, he vows to stop mankind’s brutal rampage
How? Who is Chris? (other than a demon). How has he been brutalised throughout the history of mankind and why is that relevant to the story other than a bit of back-story? Will doing this turn him back to what he was? Mankind's brutal rampage against....? Without understanding all of this, I don't rRead more
How? Who is Chris? (other than a demon). How has he been brutalised throughout the history of mankind and why is that relevant to the story other than a bit of back-story? Will doing this turn him back to what he was? Mankind’s brutal rampage against….?
Without understanding all of this, I don’t really understand the story. Most demons are bad guys, so you’ve to make sure his quest is something the audience will get behind. For that we need specifics.
We really don’t need his name. I’d rather know who he is.
By telling us he was turned into a demon by God, that suggests to me his goal is to be turned back? Is that the case? If so, make it sound like the goal in the logline, if not, I’d consider removing it altogether. Just referring to him as a *insert characteristic here* demon will do the job.
I’d say this is more Fantasy than SciFi.
See lessA resourceful investigator takes a job at the most famous classified government facility known and stumbles upon a dark secret that could wipeout mankind.
If stumbling on a 'dark secret' is what sets the story in motion, then you should tell us what that dark secret is, then tell us what the lead plans on doing about it.
If stumbling on a ‘dark secret’ is what sets the story in motion, then you should tell us what that dark secret is, then tell us what the lead plans on doing about it.
See lessAfter earning a work-for-trade job in a high-tech senior home, a self-absorbed grad student must manage his assigned resident’s social media profile. Only this account does more than just posts likes and retweets, it also keeps the resident alive.
What is standing in the way of the lead character accomplishing his goal? This logline goes over the setup to the story but not what the lead character must do about it. Nor does it go over the dramatic conflict of the story. If the lead character's goal is to keep his resident alive, then there musRead more
What is standing in the way of the lead character accomplishing his goal?
This logline goes over the setup to the story but not what the lead character must do about it.
Nor does it go over the dramatic conflict of the story.
If the lead character’s goal is to keep his resident alive, then there must be someone or something who is trying to stop the resident from staying alive.
I think this is an interesting concept, and definitely something I personally haven’t seen before, but it is missing the conflict, so I am not seeing the story. Because story is conflict.
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