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A young cadet surveyor of planets fights an evil force that has infiltrated the League of celestial nations for the purpose of extracting and transferring the life force of people to their own dying population.
"Young Cadet Surveyor of Planets" -> implies Naive, but doesn't state it. If this were my logline, I might reflect on a psychological depth of character ... "evil force" == stereotype. Personally I like stereotypes, as they reveal so much about our prejudice towards "Other" social groups. It's moRead more
“Young Cadet Surveyor of Planets” -> implies Naive, but doesn’t state it. If this were my logline, I might reflect on a psychological depth of character …
“evil force” == stereotype. Personally I like stereotypes, as they reveal so much about our prejudice towards “Other” social groups. It’s mostly the abstract quality of ‘evil force’ that is failing to create a mental image for me. Ditto “life force”.
See lessWhen a skeptic psychiatrist witnesses his pregnant wife being abducted by aliens, he teams up with his abductee patient in order to get her back.
I like this. I think "skeptic" might not be the right choice for his characteristic. Only because it's resolved as soon as he witnesses his wife's abduction. Chances are, within the first 15 mins or so, this arc is completed. I'd kinda like the goal to be expanded on a little. I'd like to know moreRead more
I like this.
I think “skeptic” might not be the right choice for his characteristic. Only because it’s resolved as soon as he witnesses his wife’s abduction. Chances are, within the first 15 mins or so, this arc is completed.
I’d kinda like the goal to be expanded on a little. I’d like to know more specifics about how they’re planning on getting her back. Maybe his abductee patient has a set of skills? I’d just like to be able to visualise their actions in Act II a little more.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Hope this helps.
See lessA young surveyor of planets, for the League of celestial nations, is sentenced to the Planet of Incarceration for entering a restricted area. He must discover why he was directed to the location and who authorised it.
What is the top secret event? (A logline can't reveal or describe all - but it must be specific, not vague. What makes the top secret event of urgent dramatic interest?) Why must he discover why he was set up? IOW: what are the stakes? What is gained if he find out? What is lost is he doesn't?
What is the top secret event? (A logline can’t reveal or describe all – but it must be specific, not vague. What makes the top secret event of urgent dramatic interest?)
Why must he discover why he was set up? IOW: what are the stakes? What is gained if he find out? What is lost is he doesn’t?
See less