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  1. Posted: July 11, 2020In: SciFi

    In order to find the real killer, a conscientious rookie detective partners with a pleasure-android, who claims the prime suspect in a murder investigation is innocent.

    Scott Danzig Samurai
    Added an answer on July 11, 2020 at 8:45 am

    There's no inciting incident here. You do have an interesting pairing, although the fact that it's a pleasure-android really seems like a very random element in an otherwise cookie-cutter crime drama. Maybe give a hint at least about why this rookie would partner with it, and maybe one more word/eleRead more

    There’s no inciting incident here. You do have an interesting pairing, although the fact that it’s a pleasure-android really seems like a very random element in an otherwise cookie-cutter crime drama. Maybe give a hint at least about why this rookie would partner with it, and maybe one more word/element to serve as an allusion to sci-fi.

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  2. Posted: July 10, 2020In: SciFi

    A young cadet surveyor of planets fights an evil force that has infiltrated the League of celestial nations for the purpose of extracting and transferring the life force of people to their own dying population.

    Philippe Le Miere Logliner
    Added an answer on July 10, 2020 at 1:54 pm

    "Young Cadet Surveyor of Planets" -> implies Naive, but doesn't state it. If this were my logline, I might reflect on a psychological depth of character ... "evil force" == stereotype. Personally I like stereotypes, as they reveal so much about our prejudice towards "Other" social groups. It's moRead more

    “Young Cadet Surveyor of Planets” -> implies Naive, but doesn’t state it. If this were my logline, I might reflect on a psychological depth of character …

    “evil force” == stereotype. Personally I like stereotypes, as they reveal so much about our prejudice towards “Other” social groups. It’s mostly the abstract quality of ‘evil force’ that is failing to create a mental image for me. Ditto “life force”.

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  3. Posted: June 29, 2020In: SciFi

    When a skeptic psychiatrist witnesses his pregnant wife being abducted by aliens, he teams up with his abductee patient in order to get her back.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on June 30, 2020 at 7:21 pm

    I like this. I think "skeptic" might not be the right choice for his characteristic. Only because it's resolved as soon as he witnesses his wife's abduction. Chances are, within the first 15 mins or so, this arc is completed. I'd kinda like the goal to be expanded on a little. I'd like to know moreRead more

    I like this.

    I think “skeptic” might not be the right choice for his characteristic. Only because it’s resolved as soon as he witnesses his wife’s abduction. Chances are, within the first 15 mins or so, this arc is completed.

    I’d kinda like the goal to be expanded on a little. I’d like to know more specifics about how they’re planning on getting her back. Maybe his abductee patient has a set of skills? I’d just like to be able to visualise their actions in Act II a little more.

    Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

    Hope this helps.

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