1. Posted: December 7, 2019In:

    Crashed on a faraway planet with retrograde amnesia, a young, ingenious but highly schizophrenic astronaut strives to rebuild her spacecraft while endeavoring to outwit a manipulative, shape-shifting alien whose sole impetus is to repopulate by abusing her as a host.

    dpg Singularity

    If she has progressive memory loss, but can still fix the spacecraft, does that imply that the memory loss isn't pivotal to her fate?? In a? logline a cognitive defect is only worth mentioning if it puts the attainment of her objective goal in jeopardy.?? So, for the purpose of the plot, why MUST shRead more

    If she has progressive memory loss, but can still fix the spacecraft, does that imply that the memory loss isn’t pivotal to her fate?? In a? logline a cognitive defect is only worth mentioning if it puts the attainment of her objective goal in jeopardy.?? So, for the purpose of the plot, why MUST she have progressive memory loss?

    It seems you’ve given the character two major tasks: 1] fix the spacecraft; 2] fend off the alien.? Which task is primary, going to get more screen time?

    And if she fends off the alien, but can’t fix the spacecraft is she stranded on the planet, doomed to die anyway?

    What is the story really and singularly about?? What is the overarching theme that organizes the narrative?

    ?

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  2. Posted: December 1, 2019In:

    A memory damaged young man wakes impossibly from a long-term coma determined to find himself before it’s too late

    Ninann22 Logliner

    I agree. It?s missing a hurdle or at at stakes to push the protagonist and the story forward.This helps me brainstorm more when doing my loglines. 1. Identify the protagonist 2. Inciting incident. What blows the characters life apart? 3. Protagonist goal. 4. Central conflict. What obstacles that getRead more

    I agree. It?s missing a hurdle or at at stakes to push the protagonist and the story forward.This helps me brainstorm more when doing my loglines.
    1. Identify the protagonist
    2. Inciting incident. What blows the characters life apart?
    3. Protagonist goal.
    4. Central conflict. What obstacles that get in the way of your character. A antagonist or antagonistic forces.

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  3. Posted: November 7, 2019In:

    Explorers: (1 HR) After Earth gets wiped out by a plague, lone survivors are living in a skyscraper. ?On the bottom floor, a thief must lead a team to stop a mass execution and along the way is caught up in a conspiracy that could cost him and everyone around him their lives

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Hi Chris,I'll give this a shot...Anything where the world is stake - well, the stakes are just innate so you probably don't need to push too hard there.In a post-plague world, lone survivors must stop a mass execution, but are caught up in a world-threatening conspiracy.I'm playing around here.I thoRead more

    Hi Chris,

    I’ll give this a shot…

    Anything where the world is stake – well, the stakes are just innate so you probably don’t need to push too hard there.

    In a post-plague world, lone survivors must stop a mass execution, but are caught up in a world-threatening conspiracy.

    I’m playing around here.

    I thought I’d lead with the lone survivors – the thief is one of them, right? As are the team?

    Not sure what’s happening with the mass execution but that seems to be the goal.

    Perhaps make the goal positive? “must save innocent people from a mass execution”.
    or even “a thief must stop a mass execution of survivors”?

    In a post-plague world, a thief must stop a mass execution of survivors, but is caught up in a world-threatening conspiracy.

    Hmm… having him as a thief suggests a potential character arc of bad to good – which is good. He transforms. People love characters who change.

    I dunno. That’s all I could do with what I’ve got.

    Not sure where the conflict is.

    INTENTION: stop a mass execution.

    OBSTACLE: A world-threatening conspiracy??

    We need to get a bit more detailed and specific with what’s standing in their way.

    But yeah- sounds cool.

    Good luck!

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