1. Posted: December 1, 2019In:

    A memory damaged young man wakes impossibly from a long-term coma determined to find himself before it’s too late

    Ninann22 Logliner

    I agree. It?s missing a hurdle or at at stakes to push the protagonist and the story forward.This helps me brainstorm more when doing my loglines. 1. Identify the protagonist 2. Inciting incident. What blows the characters life apart? 3. Protagonist goal. 4. Central conflict. What obstacles that getRead more

    I agree. It?s missing a hurdle or at at stakes to push the protagonist and the story forward.This helps me brainstorm more when doing my loglines.
    1. Identify the protagonist
    2. Inciting incident. What blows the characters life apart?
    3. Protagonist goal.
    4. Central conflict. What obstacles that get in the way of your character. A antagonist or antagonistic forces.

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  2. Posted: November 7, 2019In:

    Explorers: (1 HR) After Earth gets wiped out by a plague, lone survivors are living in a skyscraper. ?On the bottom floor, a thief must lead a team to stop a mass execution and along the way is caught up in a conspiracy that could cost him and everyone around him their lives

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Hi Chris,I'll give this a shot...Anything where the world is stake - well, the stakes are just innate so you probably don't need to push too hard there.In a post-plague world, lone survivors must stop a mass execution, but are caught up in a world-threatening conspiracy.I'm playing around here.I thoRead more

    Hi Chris,

    I’ll give this a shot…

    Anything where the world is stake – well, the stakes are just innate so you probably don’t need to push too hard there.

    In a post-plague world, lone survivors must stop a mass execution, but are caught up in a world-threatening conspiracy.

    I’m playing around here.

    I thought I’d lead with the lone survivors – the thief is one of them, right? As are the team?

    Not sure what’s happening with the mass execution but that seems to be the goal.

    Perhaps make the goal positive? “must save innocent people from a mass execution”.
    or even “a thief must stop a mass execution of survivors”?

    In a post-plague world, a thief must stop a mass execution of survivors, but is caught up in a world-threatening conspiracy.

    Hmm… having him as a thief suggests a potential character arc of bad to good – which is good. He transforms. People love characters who change.

    I dunno. That’s all I could do with what I’ve got.

    Not sure where the conflict is.

    INTENTION: stop a mass execution.

    OBSTACLE: A world-threatening conspiracy??

    We need to get a bit more detailed and specific with what’s standing in their way.

    But yeah- sounds cool.

    Good luck!

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  3. Posted: November 7, 2019In:

    On the bottom floor of a skyscraper, which is the last refuge of humanity after a devastating plague, a cunning thief must lead a team to stop the mass execution of people by a mad overlord who wants the depleting resources for himself, and his people only, the thief discovers that the plague never left and that could cost him everything.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    I agree with Mike - this sounds fun. I'll give this a crack... I kept wanting to say "In a post-apocalyptic world" or "Set in the future" ha. But there's no sign of this being set in the future. After a plague devastates humanity, a thief must stop a megalomaniac from taking the world's depleting reRead more

    I agree with Mike – this sounds fun.

    I’ll give this a crack…

    I kept wanting to say “In a post-apocalyptic world” or “Set in the future” ha. But there’s no sign of this being set in the future.

    After a plague devastates humanity, a thief must stop a megalomaniac from taking the world’s depleting resources.

    Could do “team of thieves” perhaps?

    I love the idea of the setting/the bottom floor of a skyscraper but perhaps not necessary in a logline?

    “- only to find the plague never left.” – I wanted to add. But… I dunno… There’s plenty of stakes here. The stakes are high – it’s the survival of the world.

    I traded “mad overlord” with “megalomaniac” – as it’s one word. I dunno if he’s a tyrant. Could potentially use mad tyrant perhaps?

    I also cut – “for himself.” at the end. I mean he’s clearly up to no good ha.

    Anyways – that’s what I’ve got.

    Good luck!

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