1. Posted: September 19, 2019In:

    A one-armed young man obsesses over becoming an astronaut after a final discussion with his girlfriend, and turns to criminal actions to fulfill his desire after the space agency rejects him.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I still struggle to see the message from this as being a positive one about how inequality can be tackled. Your protagonist, the guy you want the audience to sympathise and empathise way, decides that the only way to achieve his goal is to rob banks, murder people, and hijack a rocket. It seems to mRead more

    I still struggle to see the message from this as being a positive one about how inequality can be tackled. Your protagonist, the guy you want the audience to sympathise and empathise way, decides that the only way to achieve his goal is to rob banks, murder people, and hijack a rocket. It seems to me that the message is that criminal behaviour is an appropriate response to an unfair world… or maybe that’s the point? That an unfair world is the cause of these sorts of behaviours?

    Do you want this to be a downer ending that says something pretty damning about mankind or something that’s about the strength of the human spirit in overcoming disability?

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  2. Posted: October 31, 2019In:

    A mysterious Dark Planet, a troubled Test Pilot lost at the far side of the Galaxy overcoming the vast obstacles to find his way home to his beloved daughter and wife.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Good point DPG. Once the stakes are made clear, the subsequent conflict will form a hook. Also, wouldn't it be an astronaut that gets stranded on a planet? A test pilot implies that he flew a jet within Earth's atmosphere, but being an astronaut means he flew to outer space. Lastly, wording and struRead more

    Good point DPG. Once the stakes are made clear, the subsequent conflict will form a hook.

    Also, wouldn’t it be an astronaut that gets stranded on a planet? A test pilot implies that he flew a jet within Earth’s atmosphere, but being an astronaut means he flew to outer space.

    Lastly, wording and structure are very important in a logline. In this case, the first and second clauses are not connected. Perhaps change it around so his being stranded on the planet is clearly the inciting event. For example: After being stranded on a dark planet, a troubled astronaut must…

     

     

     

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  3. Posted: October 25, 2019In:

    Uluru-Kata (Part Two) When a posthuman boy, trying to integrate into a tribe of pygmies, meets other humans like him, he decides to resume his voyage to the Promise Land with his robot father in order to avoid his species extinction.

    Scott Danzig Samurai

    My best guess is that this is an AI boy that's wandered the world, mingles randomly with this tribe, and, one of the pygmies, or their associates, happens to be other AI people.? That either includes his father or they help reunite him with his father.? The father explains the situation about the spRead more

    My best guess is that this is an AI boy that’s wandered the world, mingles randomly with this tribe, and, one of the pygmies, or their associates, happens to be other AI people.? That either includes his father or they help reunite him with his father.? The father explains the situation about the species being in danger and urges him to come help save the day.

    But I’m not sure of any of it.? I don’t think the pygmies are important though, based on what I think you meant.? Also, I agree with dpg that the term “posthuman” is not universal.? And the “father” of a robot is a confusing concept too.? It’s a robot father, so probably not a human robotics engineer.? Still not sure what to take on it.? Here’s my take on it:

    When a wandering robot boy encounters others of his kind, he learns of their imminent extinction and must help them find a place called the “Promised Land”, where they believe they’ll be safe.

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