1. Posted: April 17, 2019In:

    Having spent their first fifteen years in an abusive home in Michigan, twins Jacob and Jenee discover that they were born in a different dimension. As they reunite with their birth family and rediscover their birthplace Pontint. Jacob and Jennee learn that they are the future of Pontint, and had been hidden away to protect them from the royal family who wants them killed.

    variable Uberwriter

    I like Richiev's format, but your plot interests me more. I can imagine it playing across the feature length. I'd suggest you go for a singular protagonist. Below is one way to pan it out across the blake synder narrative beat paradigm:Setup: An abusive childhood on earth.Inciting Incident: DiscoverRead more

    I like Richiev’s format, but your plot interests me more. I can imagine it playing across the feature length. I’d suggest you go for a singular protagonist. Below is one way to pan it out across the blake synder narrative beat paradigm:
    Setup: An abusive childhood on earth.
    Inciting Incident: Discovering she’s from an alternate dimension.
    Break Into Two: The reunion with her people; discovering her birthplace.
    1st half of Act 2: The political situation of their planet; what can she do about it? Is she different from the rest? which can lead us to..
    Midpoint: She was hidden away in another dimension to protect her from the royal family who wants her killed; discovering her birthright??
    2nd half of Act 2: The Royal Family closes in, and so on…

    What’s more? You can still have a twin (which is interesting) and define the lead character. Suggested Inciting Incident:? “After his twin from an alternate dimension pays him a visit…”

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: April 16, 2019In:

    Once twins find out they live powerful family and part of a prophecy, are rescued from Earth, they must fulfill their destiny to destroy the dictator.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Yup, for starters, the language needs to be clear. Add specifics and missing parts. Are the twins two girls or two boys or one of each? Are they teens? Dictator where?? What's the difficulty in destroying him or what's the? plan? What are the stakes, what would happen if they fail? Is a prophecy reaRead more

    Yup, for starters, the language needs to be clear.

    Add specifics and missing parts. Are the twins two girls or two boys or one of each? Are they teens? Dictator where?? What’s the difficulty in destroying him or what’s the? plan? What are the stakes, what would happen if they fail?

    Is a prophecy really needed? They’re so overdone, which means it needs an especially fresh angle or twist to tell readers that this writer is being original.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: April 12, 2019In:

    When a former commando steals secret government documents, he races to prevent a warmongering dictator from obtaining powerful alien technology to start an interplanetary war.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    The dictator-alien war part has promise.Keep in mind another purpose of a logline is to test the appeal of the idea before spending months on the script. As they say, if a good story can't told be in a sentence or two, it won't become good over 100 pages. Hopefully there is a good one here and it'sRead more

    The dictator-alien war part has promise.

    Keep in mind another purpose of a logline is to test the appeal of the idea before spending months on the script. As they say, if a good story can’t told be in a sentence or two, it won’t become good over 100 pages. Hopefully there is a good one here and it’s just a matter of the logline. But we can only hope so since this version of the? logline raises bad questions instead of good ones…

    See less
    • 0