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Once twins find out they live powerful family and part of a prophecy, are rescued from Earth, they must fulfill their destiny to destroy the dictator.
Yup, for starters, the language needs to be clear. Add specifics and missing parts. Are the twins two girls or two boys or one of each? Are they teens? Dictator where?? What's the difficulty in destroying him or what's the? plan? What are the stakes, what would happen if they fail? Is a prophecy reaRead more
Yup, for starters, the language needs to be clear.
Add specifics and missing parts. Are the twins two girls or two boys or one of each? Are they teens? Dictator where?? What’s the difficulty in destroying him or what’s the? plan? What are the stakes, what would happen if they fail?
Is a prophecy really needed? They’re so overdone, which means it needs an especially fresh angle or twist to tell readers that this writer is being original.
See lessWhen a former commando steals secret government documents, he races to prevent a warmongering dictator from obtaining powerful alien technology to start an interplanetary war.
The dictator-alien war part has promise.Keep in mind another purpose of a logline is to test the appeal of the idea before spending months on the script. As they say, if a good story can't told be in a sentence or two, it won't become good over 100 pages. Hopefully there is a good one here and it'sRead more
The dictator-alien war part has promise.
Keep in mind another purpose of a logline is to test the appeal of the idea before spending months on the script. As they say, if a good story can’t told be in a sentence or two, it won’t become good over 100 pages. Hopefully there is a good one here and it’s just a matter of the logline. But we can only hope so since this version of the? logline raises bad questions instead of good ones…
See lessTwo jaded mercenaries journey to a deadly planet to retrieve a priceless mineral only to learn a massive electromagnetic pulse will soon disable their only means of escape.
Underwood:True, you can't understand the entire story from a logline, but a reader should be able to understand the trajectory of the story, who the main character is and where the story is going (but not where it arrives).So in terms of that criterion your logline is okay .? Although it lacks an exRead more
Underwood:
True, you can’t understand the entire story from a logline, but a reader should be able to understand the trajectory of the story, who the main character is and where the story is going (but not where it arrives).
So in terms of that criterion your logline is okay .? Although it lacks an explicit inciting incident.? So I’m assuming it’s implicit; they’re greedy guys who’ve found a source of a priceless metal and? hope to cash in.
But? in this iteration, that doesn’t concern me so much.? What concerns me is that I don’t see in the logline? an emotional hook,? a good reason why an audience would be curious about the outcome and why they would care about the outcome.?
Why should an audience care about two jaded and greedy guys who seem to be pursuing a McGuffin? for a purely selfish reason?? ?I mean, is that all that matters to them, getting rich off the mineral?? ?Is there a greater good , a higher motivation to their struggle?
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