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A fledgling engineer must venture into space and repair their spaceship before it ceases to function.
Along the lines of Mike, look to highlight the hook or irony. And, yes, the stakes in the logline should be more than the loss of the ship.I find the short logline formula only helps at the very first stage of fleshing out the idea. Try in the next take to paint more of the picture.Who does "their"Read more
Along the lines of Mike, look to highlight the hook or irony. And, yes, the stakes in the logline should be more than the loss of the ship.
I find the short logline formula only helps at the very first stage of fleshing out the idea. Try in the next take to paint more of the picture.
Who does “their” refer to?
Is this set in the present or future? Operating from Earth or another planet?
Who or what is the antag?
See lessMY THIRD TRY: To stop a likely nuclear war among earthlings, a space alien whose race wants future control of an un-radiated planet, demands that all nukes be disassemble now or else NO electricity for a decade.
While I agree with the two reviews so far, this part is revealing and seems to be real story: >>In a nutshell, the ET takes her human female friend to her planet where she experiences culture clashes and battles. Is this most of Act II? >>The earthling helps save her ET friend?s world WhRead more
While I agree with the two reviews so far, this part is revealing and seems to be real story:
>>In a nutshell, the ET takes her human female friend to her planet where she experiences culture clashes and battles.
Is this most of Act II?
>>The earthling helps save her ET friend?s world
When does this happen? Save from what?
>> and now the ET helps to save the earth.
If most of the story is about the woman on the alien planet and this part is Act III, then it doesn’t need to go in the logline. It may even be the denouement in the script instead of Act III.
See lessFriendly ETs frequently rescue abducted humans from bad ETs that eat their prey. Now, they must stop humans from nuking the earth so the good ETs can have another living planet in their interstellar federation.
Why do these friendly ETs need another living planet in the interstellar federation? Is there any way to tell this story from the perspective of the humans? They're the one with the biggest journey to go on and the easiest ones for the audience to relate to. It also creates the most dramatic incitinRead more
Why do these friendly ETs need another living planet in the interstellar federation? Is there any way to tell this story from the perspective of the humans? They’re the one with the biggest journey to go on and the easiest ones for the audience to relate to. It also creates the most dramatic inciting incident – mankind finding out they are not alone in the universe.
How do these aliens plan on stopping humans nuking the earth? I’m struggling to see what’s going to happen other than people sitting around discussing things.
Personally, I think the whole friendly aliens saving humans from bad ones is great and I think that could be used more. There needs to be more conflict and more action going on.
You need a main character – alien or human – who the audience sees this story from the perspective of. Without that it’s very difficult to see anything other than nameless, faceless characters. There’s no heart to the story and that’s really important.
There’s definitely something in here so keep going. Ideally though, if you could put new versions of the logline within this post. It makes it easier for everyone to follow its evolution.
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