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A mysterious briefcase goes from hand to hand. Although everyone claims to be the owner, no one can open it. Until the day a commissioner forces the lock and discovers what’s inside …
No clear protagonist, no antagonist, no conflict, no stakes...just a mystery. A mystery is not a story, and a briefcase with unknown contents is a clich?. We need a character to support with a proper motivation, and a reason to follow the story. A retiring police commissioner must find the rightfulRead more
No clear protagonist, no antagonist, no conflict, no stakes…just a mystery. A mystery is not a story, and a briefcase with unknown contents is a clich?. We need a character to support with a proper motivation, and a reason to follow the story.
A retiring police commissioner must find the rightful owner of a mysterious package which everyone he meets is willing to kill to possess.
Kinda sloppy but the ideas are there; work with it and find the elements that make it compelling.
See lessIn Carella City, ageing can be postponed but not vanquished, until an exiled murderer helps a 157 year old woman evade her creator.
It sounds like you've focused more on developing the special scifi elements than the hero himself. What is the meaning of your story? What's the take away message that's revealed in your hero's actions?
It sounds like you’ve focused more on developing the special scifi elements than the hero himself.
See lessWhat is the meaning of your story? What’s the take away message that’s revealed in your hero’s actions?
Once infected by a neurovirus that has an AI interface, it promises to help the host survive if the host helps with the mission of it’s own: to kill the other AI Neuroviruses that threaten it’s very existence.
Your syntax needs a lot of cleaning. I guess your main character is the host, but you present the host in a very secondary fashion.The main event is obviously the virus infection, plus an AI interface that goes with it.The action is also missing. I guess the goal is getting rid of the virus,but we nRead more
Your syntax needs a lot of cleaning. I guess your main character is the host, but you present the host in a very secondary fashion.
The main event is obviously the virus infection, plus an AI interface that goes with it.
The action is also missing. I guess the goal is getting rid of the virus,but we need to get a hint of the action that would lead to achieving this goal.
Or something like that.
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