1. Posted: October 15, 2018In:

    Attempting to reconnect with her squad, a stranded time-traveling soldier battles another soldier on a strange world to prevent him from changing history, only to slowly discover she becomes responsible for a terrible disaster and the deaths of a city’s residents.

    Mandavirmais Logliner

    I noticed that you gave additional information but I will only use your logline as the reference. You talk about a ?strange world? but I feel that you should give a bit more info about this place. Why is it strange? One other thing, the city residents that perish are people from the strange world? WRead more

    I noticed that you gave additional information but I will only use your logline as the reference. You talk about a ?strange world? but I feel that you should give a bit more info about this place. Why is it strange? One other thing, the city residents that perish are people from the strange world? Why should he care about these strange aliens he just met? It?s not clear if the city is on Earth or another place.

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  2. Posted: October 15, 2018In:

    When he is framed for the murder of his boss, a genetically engineered assassin must protect the boss’s daughter from his enemies to clear his name after he is hunted by three major Syndicates.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Remove ?makes it personal? and describe the story, rather set out to clear his name. Captures and tortures likely suspects to... Decides to kill his bosses enemies to ....

    Remove ?makes it personal? and describe the story, rather set out to clear his name.

    Captures and tortures likely suspects to…
    Decides to kill his bosses enemies to ….

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  3. Posted: October 15, 2018In:

    With the impending Ragnarok coming, a young cursed prince receives searing visions to save his aging star empire by pushing two police agents to investigate a sinister conspiracy undermining a planet’s sovereignty, only to realize they cannot escape the Ragnarok.

    dpg Singularity

    I'm not sure how many readers will know what a "Ragnarok" is.? I had? to google the term.? Which I should not have had to do.? ?A logline reader should never have to go online and google to find out what any word means.?But sc-fi isn't my metier.? And since this the kind of story that would appeal tRead more

    I’m not sure how many readers will know what a “Ragnarok” is.? I had? to google the term.? Which I should not have had to do.? ?A logline reader should never have to go online and google to find out what any word means.?

    But sc-fi isn’t my metier.? And since this the kind of story that would appeal to primarily movie makers who would know the genre, they may be familiar with the term.

    My takeaway is you can’t assume that a logline reader will take the micro -time to google an unfamiliar term.? Because odds are they won’t.? If they can’t immediately grasp what the story is about, they will just move onto the next logline, to one they can immediately understand.

    Just saying.

    Be that as it may “only to realize they cannot escape the Ragnarok” seems to be a spoiler, seems to give away how the story ends. And a logline should never give away the ending.

    If “only to realize they cannot escape” is part of the inciting incident or the critical midpoint epiphany then the question is: what must they do in light of that knowledge?? What becomes the objective goal?

    And who owns the objective goal?? Who is the protagonist in the story, anyway?? The “cursed prince” or the two agents?

    ?

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