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When his best friend dies in a drive by shooting, a naive vagrant must escape the harsh streets of his home world to join the galactic armed forces, endure their harsh training and battle nightmarish aliens to become a space knight.
The causal link between event (friend murdered in drive-by) and goal (become space-knight) is unclear. How is the latter response to the former? Is it because, in the rules of your story's universe, the space-knights are some sort of police force, and with his newfound space-knight powers he's goingRead more
The causal link between event (friend murdered in drive-by) and goal (become space-knight) is unclear. How is the latter response to the former?
Is it because, in the rules of your story’s universe, the space-knights are some sort of police force, and with his newfound space-knight powers he’s going to chase down and catch his friend’s killers?
See lessWhen ruthless alien killers with chameleon abilities escape to Earth, an elite, combat security officer must kill or recapture them before they slaughter the humans that get in their way
Agree with all comments. I would change the "cause the ship's captain to lose..." to something about the protagonist. Or make the ship's captain the protagonist. I would just go with saving human lives though. Although you can have a nice internal/external struggle between getting the money and saviRead more
Agree with all comments. I would change the “cause the ship’s captain to lose…” to something about the protagonist. Or make the ship’s captain the protagonist.
I would just go with saving human lives though. Although you can have a nice internal/external struggle between getting the money and saving people. Is there a way to link the two? If humans are killed they lose their commission?
When three shape-shifting alien killers escape his ship and head to Earth, the ship’s security officer must hunt them down before their desire to kill costs the whole crew their commission.
See lessRevision 2: A telepath must install a countermeasure in a guarded government facility, before an anti-telepath weapon is launched.
Why is the objective to install a safeguard and not to destroy the weapon? The stakes are clear. You?re missing the event section (why now?) but I assume it?s just that the telepath finds out about the weapon somehow. The bigger issue is, now that you can see the story at its core ... what makes thiRead more
Why is the objective to install a safeguard and not to destroy the weapon?
The stakes are clear. You?re missing the event section (why now?) but I assume it?s just that the telepath finds out about the weapon somehow.
The bigger issue is, now that you can see the story at its core … what makes this story or screenplay worth a reader?s time? Because I?ve definitely already seen ?magic people must destroy doomsday weapon? – in Star Wars or X-Men or a dozen others. What?s unique about this iteration?
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