Fighting for the social acceptance of anyone in any situation isn’t enough for a story – hold your horses any “WARRIORS” out there, please read ahead…

The power of a story comes from the hight of the stakes the main character faces and in this case, the stakes (as defined in the logline) aren’t high enough – relevant or timely, perhaps, but not high. Consider The Imitation Game, the main plot of the film dealt with stopping the Nazi forces from winning the war – Das iz big stakes, ya? However, the subplot was about society’s inability to accept a gay guy – in other words, social acceptance.

Point is, you need high enough stakes for the MC to pursue in the ‘A’ plot and any lesser stakes to be delegated to the ‘B’ or C’ plots.

Stakes aside, the logline’s structure isn’t helping. Specifically, what event made the mother need to fight for her children? This is the big motivating event, or inciting incident, and needs to be described in the logline.

Lastly, you need to describe a goal “…fight for the social acceptance of her cloned children…” is an action but how will the audience know she succeeded or failed? What is the end result of her fight? You need to describe the goal she is fighting for and in doing so give a clear time frame for your story so a decisions maker can wrap their head around it.