1. Posted: April 5, 2018In:

    When a farmer?s wife vanishes, his desperate hunt reveals he?s actually been abducted and his entire town is a construction, built inside an alien craft to prep them for invasion. He must rescue his wife, pregnant with their hybrid child, and escape back home.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    "...he?s actually been abducted and his entire town is a construction, built inside an alien craft to prep them for invasion..." - this sounds like the basic premise of Dark City. It's also unclear what he plans on doing to save the rest of the town if at all. I'd also change the wording to reduce tRead more

    “…he?s actually been abducted and his entire town is a construction, built inside an alien craft to prep them for invasion…” – this sounds like the basic premise of Dark City.

    It’s also unclear what he plans on doing to save the rest of the town if at all.

    I’d also change the wording to reduce the length and streamline the plot. e.g:
    After aliens abduct his pregnant wife, a farmer discovers their town is a ruse by aliens preparing an invasion, he must then sabotage the alien mothership to save them all.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: March 23, 2018In:

    Revised: When a bumbling alien pollutes the timeline, he and his adopted human family must travel back in history, and prevent the apocalypse? again!

    Best Answer
    candersonm Logliner

    I think this is getting close. ?I think you can cut "well-intentioned" because his adopted human family means he's got to be fairly friendly. ?bumbling is enough. So this is sci-fi comedy I take it? ?Not sure pollute is the right word, but close. When a bumbling ?alien pollutes our timeline, he andRead more

    I think this is getting close. ?I think you can cut “well-intentioned” because his adopted human family means he’s got to be fairly friendly. ?bumbling is enough. So this is sci-fi comedy I take it? ?Not sure pollute is the right word, but close.

    When a bumbling ?alien pollutes our timeline, he and his adopted human family must travel back in history to prevent the apocalypse? again!

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: April 4, 2018In:

    When bionic rivals–hired to reset the server–discover two halves of it in each other, they engage until one of them lives to receive the pay

    candersonm Logliner

    I still don't quite understand the concept, even with Take II. ?What is so important about this server? ?We may need to have more context. ?Is this server made by the same company who made them or employs them? ?Is this server important to their world and why have they been hired to reset it? ?ThereRead more

    I still don’t quite understand the concept, even with Take II. ?What is so important about this server? ?We may need to have more context. ?Is this server made by the same company who made them or employs them? ?Is this server important to their world and why have they been hired to reset it? ?There is potential here, I htink the story needs refining. ?This is a brother/twin/family saga essentially? ?Those emotional stakes need to be in the pitch logline.

    See less
    • 0