1. Posted: February 20, 2019In:

    A emotionally volatile tachycardic finds a way to calm his nerves, giving him unusual abilities, only to find the greedy dangers of a rich influential man prepared to anything to get those abilities to enhance himself for city domination.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    Agree with Richiev. This is incredibly vague and longwinded. We need more specifics to understand the story. Is the method of calming his nerves a pill? A drink? A state of mind? A breathing technique? With any superhero story, the inciting incident is (in my opinion) the appearance of the super vilRead more

    Agree with Richiev. This is incredibly vague and longwinded. We need more specifics to understand the story. Is the method of calming his nerves a pill? A drink? A state of mind? A breathing technique?

    With any superhero story, the inciting incident is (in my opinion) the appearance of the super villain. Since most superhero stories?are all about stopping the bad guy it makes sense for the inciting incident to be closely connected to this. Whilst getting the powers is an important part, it’s how they end up using them that keeps the audience entertained and is actually where the story is.

    Why does the rich influential man want city domination? A good way of making sure your antagonists are as 3 dimensional as your protagonist is to write a logline from their perspective too. They must have a rational motive that an audience, whilst they might not agree with, can at least understand. Like Thanos in Infinity War!

    Hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: April 17, 2018In:

    A high school student inherits supernatural powers and becomes a vigilante as he attempts to save the rainy city of Seattle from becoming a fiery hell.

    Mandavirmais Logliner

    He inherits his powers? from who? Is he special or was it by luck? What kind of supernatural powers? Why do you say they are supernatural? Why and when does he decide to become a vigilante? Are you aiming at comedy when you say the rainy city of Seatle will become a fiery hell or does this have to dRead more

    He inherits his powers? from who? Is he special or was it by luck? What kind of supernatural powers? Why do you say they are supernatural? Why and when does he decide to become a vigilante? Are you aiming at comedy when you say the rainy city of Seatle will become a fiery hell or does this have to do with the supernatural stuff? Is Lucifer involved? Why fire?

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  3. Posted: October 15, 2018In:

    With a wish granted by a mysterious being, an angry and disillusioned man becomes godlike and is pursued by a persistent ordinary federal agent while killing evil people in his wake.

    dpg Singularity

    I am totally mystified.? Who is the protagonist, the angry man or the ordinary agent?? And what is the specific objective goal?? Towards what end, what destination is the story narrative driving? (Whether it gets there is another question) Who should the audience be rooting for and what should theyRead more

    I am totally mystified.? Who is the protagonist, the angry man or the ordinary agent?? And what is the specific objective goal?? Towards what end, what destination is the story narrative driving? (Whether it gets there is another question) Who should the audience be rooting for and what should they be worried about?

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