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A mother to two clone children plans for more clone children, but she must make the world a place where they can survive, so she unleashes her ability to kill using only her brain, founding a world of potent and fertile.
I don't think you need to give the conclusion of killing the brother in the logline.? I also don't see any reason to mention she has 2 cloned children.? ?I would simply say something like this: "Impeded by her own brother, a genetically enhanced woman finds she has the power to kill with just her thRead more
I don’t think you need to give the conclusion of killing the brother in the logline.? I also don’t see any reason to mention she has 2 cloned children.? ?I would simply say something like this:
“Impeded by her own brother, a genetically enhanced woman finds she has the power to kill with just her thoughts and unleashes this power to save her children.”
See lessRose evolves to have healing powers against her capability to kill using a psychological weapon, unites with the military of USA and ends terrorism, to found a better world where death doesn?t exist, for one big family called World including her clone children.
Alas, there too many balls juggling in the air for a pilot logline.? A story line for a pilot can setup several plot threads and introduce major characters, but the logline for it must focus only on answering the basic questions:Who is the protagonist? What is her primary objective goal? Who is herRead more
Alas, there too many balls juggling in the air for a pilot logline.? A story line for a pilot can setup several plot threads and introduce major characters, but the logline for it must focus only on answering the basic questions:
Who is the protagonist?
What is her primary objective goal?
Who is her primary antagonist?
>> that aging process has stopped,
For whom?? The protagonist?? The world, or…? And so what?? I mean, my first read is that most people would welcome the phenom:? it’s a boon not a dramatic problem.? And the inciting incident should be an obvious problem — not an apparent boon.
>>Nymph(Rose)
As a general rule fictional character names should be omitted from a logline.? As a general rule, a defining characteristic and/or character flaw of the character should be included.
>>>?using the ?psychological weapon?
??? I have no idea what this means.? Other than it seems to be important to the story.
>>>and clone children safe and alive
This could be the story hook, but as I said there are so many balls being juggled simultaneously, I don’t know which one to keep my eye on, which one is really the most important item for the pilot.
>>>while she is working together with a demon
WTF?? An ally???
>>>? making love means unleashing the weapon.
??? What does this mean?? What is the weapon?
Your challenge is that you are pitching a story for a complicated world that only exists in your imagination.? It’s impossible to project that imaginary world into the mind of someone else via a logline.
Have you thought of novelizing the story first?
fwiw
See lessA troubled young woman, tying to outrun an oppressive past, flees to the outback, only to find herself in the way of an ancient malevolent spirit awakened by a thirst for revenge and hell bent on destruction.
What does "...oppressed..." mean in specific and visual terms? How is it relevant to the plot of defeating the monster?This logline is vague and confusing, mostly as a result of it lacking a clear plot and motivation. I suggest reveres engineering the logline from the goal. What specifically does thRead more
What does “…oppressed…” mean in specific and visual terms? How is it relevant to the plot of defeating the monster?
This logline is vague and confusing, mostly as a result of it lacking a clear plot and motivation. I suggest reveres engineering the logline from the goal. What specifically does the MC need to achieve by the end of the story?
See less