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A molested, suspended cop privately investigates an unsolved murder, believing it is linked to his partner?s killing, finds carnal secrets, murders but must face his past to save himself, the girl he loves, to silence the voices of the unresolved
What your character must do:Solve a murderDiscover who killed his partnerFind carnal secretsFace his pastSave himself Save the girl he lovesSilence the voices in his head...WhewOkay... You might want to narrow down the lead character's goals in your logline in order to focus it and help the reader uRead more
What your character must do:
Solve a murder
Discover who killed his partner
Find carnal secrets
Face his past
Save himself
Save the girl he loves
Silence the voices in his head…
Whew
Okay… You might want to narrow down the lead character’s goals in your logline in order to focus it and help the reader understand the main storyline better.
See lessA suspended detective confronts his past investigating an unsolved murder believing it?s connected to his partner?s killing that forces him to face himself, to his end or a cathartic answer for both murders and himself.
This reads like a pitch, still unsure what the movie/story is. "A suspended cop start privately investigating a cold case murder believing it is linked to his partners death but....," insert obstacles.
This reads like a pitch, still unsure what the movie/story is.
“A suspended cop start privately investigating a cold case murder believing it is linked to his partners death but….,” insert obstacles.
See lessImprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, an idealist twenty-something has to find a way to save herself and the world population from the secret organization holding her captive.
"When a secret organization launches the last step of its plan to eliminate 99% of the population, one of its main agent abducts his estranged humanitarian daughter so she can live in the new society." Since this isn't the main logline, one used to sell the script, it is fine because it shows you unRead more
“When a secret organization launches the last step of its plan to eliminate 99% of the population, one of its main agent abducts his estranged humanitarian daughter so she can live in the new society.”
Since this isn’t the main logline, one used to sell the script, it is fine because it shows you understand the goal and motivation of the antagonist. If you still want to revise it for practice, what is the last step? Be more specific, whether it’s poison like I used in my example or something, being more specific would probably shorten the logline.
Now, onto the main logline. It seems that you haven’t posted a revision. So, for:
“Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, an idealist twenty-something has to find a way to save herself and the world population from the secret organization holding her captive.”
You have an inciting incident(abduction), which is clear. Now, what do you see as the goal? Due to her being abducted by her estranged father, what does this motivate her to do? Is her goal to stop them after she finds out what they plan to do?
See less