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Rework: When a witness in custody and two cops are killed, the Homicide Detective must solve a piracy case to catch the killer and the mastermind. Thriller? Crime? Drama? Sci-Fi? Not sure…
This is mostly unclear. What is the relation between a piracy case and the triple murder? There is no logic connecting these elements directly. Furthermore, if he or she is a detective he or she are just doing their job, what makes it unique or interesting? Where is the hook?
This is mostly unclear. What is the relation between a piracy case and the triple murder? There is no logic connecting these elements directly. Furthermore, if he or she is a detective he or she are just doing their job, what makes it unique or interesting? Where is the hook?
See lessDue to imminent war conflict between magisterial government and local guerilla party, local man joins rebels on life-risking mission for exchange of safe passage for him and his pregnant wife out of the quarantined town.
Reorder the descriptions and make it so he has to fight the military that is directly threatening his wife instead of it being an agreement he has with the guerilla fighters. This way his fight has very high stakes for him, it's not a matter of keeping his end of a bargain up rather he directly hasRead more
Reorder the descriptions and make it so he has to fight the military that is directly threatening his wife instead of it being an agreement he has with the guerilla fighters. This way his fight has very high stakes for him, it’s not a matter of keeping his end of a bargain up rather he directly has to protect the wife:
After war breaks out a farmer must help the guerilla fighters against the government to prevent an attack on his pregnant wife in their home.
But as DPG pointed out, where is this happening?
See lessA suspended detective confronts his long-buried past investigating an unsolved murder that forces him to face himself, to his end or a cathartic answer for the murder girl and himself.
Agreed with the above - the inciting incident is not clear and lacks a strong element of motivation.Also, best to stay away from vague descriptions such as "...confronts his long-buried past..." and "...forces him to face himself..." as they lack detail they fail to inform the reader about the plot.
Agreed with the above – the inciting incident is not clear and lacks a strong element of motivation.
Also, best to stay away from vague descriptions such as “…confronts his long-buried past…” and “…forces him to face himself…” as they lack detail they fail to inform the reader about the plot.
See less