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Set up by her serial killer nemesis, an alcoholic detective comes under suspicion and must fight to remain in control of her investigation, her sanity and her freedom.
Good advise by DPG. I'll add that you'd be better off describing the inciting incident in a more immediate, if not dramatic, way - After she is framed for a murder by her serial killer nemesis... The next step would be for you to come up with an original course of action for the cop. Cop's being fraRead more
Good advise by DPG.
I’ll add that you’d be better off describing the inciting incident in a more immediate, if not dramatic, way – After she is framed for a murder by her serial killer nemesis…
The next step would be for you to come up with an original course of action for the cop. Cop’s being framed and needing to clear their name has become a trope, what else can she do that would put a spin on the premise? What if she purposely goes to jail in order to get close to the one that framed her?? Or asks the boss of a Mafia to help her? Whatever it is she does, the action needs to be clear from the logline. “…fight to remain in control…” could mean any number of things, it would be far better to specify what it is she actually needs to do, and make it original.
See lessWhen a witch who is also a medical doctor is left with three days to raise his daughter from the dead, he enlists the help of an ameteur witch who has three days to save her mother from a deadly disease.
Dkpough1:I noted the contrast between daughter and mother but didn't know what to make of it terms of the story.My primary issues is that I think there has to be a good reason why ?the daughter needs to be resurrected . (And the mother saved.) ?Unfinished business, a wrong to be rectified, an injustRead more
Dkpough1:
I noted the contrast between daughter and mother but didn’t know what to make of it terms of the story.
My primary issues is that I think there has to be a good reason why ?the daughter needs to be resurrected . (And the mother saved.) ?Unfinished business, a wrong to be rectified, an injustice remedied, a broken relationship mended — whatever. I don’t think that the grief of ?personal loss is sufficient for dramatic purposes.
And achieving the objective goal ?should have unintended consequences: be careful what you wish for. ?(In keeping with the genre assigned to the concept: thriller.)
See lessWhen recent murders indicate the return of mythological creatures, a dismissed errant detective finds his estranged-and-murderous wife coming for him, out for revenge.
The initial descriptions are not of the inciting incident - as DPG wrote there's no causal connection between that and his ex wife. However, you seem to end the logline on an inciting incident - "...his estranged-and-murderous wife coming for him..." what must he do now as a result of this?
The initial descriptions are not of the inciting incident – as DPG wrote there’s no causal connection between that and his ex wife.
See lessHowever, you seem to end the logline on an inciting incident – “…his estranged-and-murderous wife coming for him…” what must he do now as a result of this?