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  1. Posted: November 2, 2016In: Thriller

    When a simulation algorithm predicts that in order to prevent a deadly attack his daughter must die, an assassin must betray his employers to save her.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on November 6, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    Is the idea that he finds a way around the lesser of two evils dilemma? Otherwise, like DPG said - it seems bad either way.Should he succeed in saving her and the other people, he proves the software is unreliable and renders the premise pointless not forgetting that the ending becomes an easy cop-oRead more

    Is the idea that he finds a way around the lesser of two evils dilemma? Otherwise, like DPG said – it seems bad either way.

    Should he succeed in saving her and the other people, he proves the software is unreliable and renders the premise pointless not forgetting that the ending becomes an easy cop-out. However, if the opposite is true, the plausibility of a father entrusting a piece of software, no matter how well developed, with his daughter’s life is doubtful.

    In addition, seeing as he is an assassin himself, you would have to work extra hard to make his character palatable to help the audience empathize with him – much like Jean Reno’s character in Leon.

    Ultimately, the concept comes across as heavily contrived in an attempt to create a life and death situation, I think the concept has some fundamental problems at its core. I’m not sure how these could be resolved.

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  2. Posted: October 26, 2016In: Thriller

    When an anonymous series of leaks takes down an illegal arms deal, a former FBI profiler must find the source before the private assassins of a corrupt politician. Coming to terms with the source will force the human race to address the deepest held beliefs and divisions in a world where there can be no secrets.

    DavidI Logliner
    Added an answer on November 2, 2016 at 2:10 pm

    With the second half removed, the logline promises a great political thriller in store. While intriguing, you might want to consider reordering the first few words, i.e, "When a series of anonymous leaks" as opposed to "When an anonymous series of leaks". ?A bit of nitpicking, I know, but it might rRead more

    With the second half removed, the logline promises a great political thriller in store. While intriguing, you might want to consider reordering the first few words, i.e, “When a series of anonymous leaks” as opposed to “When an anonymous series of leaks”. ?A bit of nitpicking, I know, but it might read a?little better. Good luck with the script!

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  3. Posted: October 29, 2016In: Thriller

    Two overly curious high-schooler use their new found psychic power to investigate a flawlessly executed homicide, unknowingly by them that the murderer also possesses such prowess who uses it to hunt them down, which results in a run and chase in both physical and sub-conscious world.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on October 30, 2016 at 9:21 pm

    Agreed with DPG. I'll add that the logline contains too many descriptions. In its current structure and length, it's hard to make out the plot and main character. Best you simplify the logline down to a clear description of a single course of action taken by a single main character, any subsequent rRead more

    Agreed with DPG.

    I’ll add that the logline contains too many descriptions. In its current structure and length, it’s hard to make out the plot and main character.

    Best you simplify the logline down to a clear description of a single course of action taken by a single main character, any subsequent reactions? by other characters are unnecessary in the logline.

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