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  1. Posted: July 27, 2016In: Thriller

    A cyber security analyst must steal the government’s undercover handler list when a hacker threatens to remotely crash his wife’s plane.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on July 29, 2016 at 10:45 am

    I can't square the circle on all the variations ?and tweaks that have been done on the premise.Except to say that since 9/11, the mind set of the U.S. security agencies (and most others) is that it is no use giving into the demands of terrorists because they are so ?fanatical ?they will carry out thRead more

    I can’t square the circle on all the variations ?and tweaks that have been done on the premise.

    Except to say that since 9/11, the mind set of the U.S. security agencies (and most others) is that it is no use giving into the demands of terrorists because they are so ?fanatical ?they will carry out their lethal threats even if governments comply with their demands.

    ?Which in this situation is exactly what the villain can do without having to put any blood or skin into the game because he’s can crash the plane remotely, right? ?If the villain gets the information he wants, what’s the downside for him for going through with the threat anyway? ? ?It’ would seem to be a win-win proposition for him. ?And a win-win- win if he also kills the hacker. ?If the villain’s reach is so great that he can destroy a plane remotely, why can’t he also kill the analyst after he gets what he wants from him?

    Ergo, it’s reasonable for the protagonist to conclude that his wife is doomed if he doesn’t comply — and she’s doomed if he does. ?So, it seems to me, the dramatic question is ?not whether he can steal the data, but can he foil the villain from carrying out his threat.

    And why ?would the villain want the handlers? ?Wouldn’t he really want to have the list of who the handlers handle — their contacts, their informants?

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  2. Posted: July 27, 2016In: Thriller

    An art thief must survive an auction where a masked killer hunts the bidders for their secret sins.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on July 28, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    Agreed with the above comments. Also the action the antagonist takes, or in other words what the main character is trying to prevent is unclear. What does hunt them for their sins mean? Is the killer killing them or stealing their memories of their sins? Obviously you mean the killer is killing, butRead more

    Agreed with the above comments.

    Also the action the antagonist takes, or in other words what the main character is trying to prevent is unclear. What does hunt them for their sins mean? Is the killer killing them or stealing their memories of their sins? Obviously you mean the killer is killing, but the logic of a killer walking around a crowd killing them with out any body noticing or acting to stop him or her doesn’t make much sense.

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  3. Posted: July 24, 2016In: Thriller

    Boxed in a airless cavern, competitive cave divers must plan a headlong exit back to land when a ravenous sea monster breaks their guide lines.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on July 25, 2016 at 11:37 am

    A lot of the descriptions and actions in the logline are confusing.What was the event that resulted in them being trapped in the cave? This would be the inciting incident and needs to be described in the logline. For example: After an earth quake competitive cave divers are trapped in a cave...WhatRead more

    A lot of the descriptions and actions in the logline are confusing.

    What was the event that resulted in them being trapped in the cave? This would be the inciting incident and needs to be described in the logline.
    For example:
    After an earth quake competitive cave divers are trapped in a cave…

    What is a competitive cave diver? Is this a regulated sport or just a term describing how these people are competitive in nature?

    How many divers are involved?
    Best to specify one character as the main character, and structure the plot around them instead of having?an arbitrary number of characters.

    Lastly the setting is unclear. Are they out at sea? In a cave under the ocean floor? Or in a water filled cave under ground on land that’s connected to the sea?

    As the setting, in this instance, plays such a pivotal role in shaping the plot, it’s best to be very clear on where the story is set. More to the point, the plausibility of the story will rely on the plausibility of the characters in the setting.

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