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Obsessed with causality, a mathematician creates future simulation software only for it to predict he’ll die in three days unless he is prepared to kill a complete stranger, who is somehow connected to his fate, but instead he begins falling for her
This sounds a lot like Minority Report meets A Beautiful Mind. With this concept i'm sure the story could quickly become very convoluted so make sure that doesn't come across in the logline. Make it simple, short and concise. try something like: A lonely mathematician obsessed with causality createsRead more
This sounds a lot like Minority Report meets A Beautiful Mind. With this concept i’m sure the story could quickly become very convoluted so make sure that doesn’t come across in the logline. Make it simple, short and concise. try something like:
A lonely mathematician obsessed with causality creates a future simulation program only for it to predict he will die in three days unless he kills a stranger who he begins to fall for. (33 words) – This could be even tighter. Rule of thumb is if it can’t be done in 20-25 words it can’t be done in a screenplay.
Otherwise, very interesting concept and good job!
See lessAfter being held hostage on a first date for her suitor’s substantial drug debt, a teenage girl must rob her parents anonymously.
The latest draft of the logline lacks the causal connection between the inciting incident and goal. How will her robing the parents solve the problem of them being held at gun point? Secondly the stakes are not clear, sure you've got organised crime in the logline, but what is the actual threat? ToRead more
The latest draft of the logline lacks the causal connection between the inciting incident and goal. How will her robing the parents solve the problem of them being held at gun point?
Secondly the stakes are not clear, sure you’ve got organised crime in the logline, but what is the actual threat? To their lives? To their business? What MUST the girl prevent from happening?
I think your guts are correct about your attachment to the girl’s internal struggle, for me this comes across as her?character flaw – she needs to learn to be less naive.
How about something like this:
After a naive girl goes on a first date with, an unknown to her criminal, she must help his gang rob her house in order to prevent them killing her parents.
The problem that arises form this is that she must take their word for it. Essentially she trusts the criminals to not kill her parents after they rob the house – a naive action in its own right. This means that she hasn’t learned her lesson and her parents will likely still be killed. Of course she could turn on the criminals and contact the police or lock them in the cellar – after she completes her inner journey she would presumably now better than to trust the criminals again.
I.e:
After a naive girl goes on a first date with, an unknown to her criminal, he forces her to help his gang rob her family home in order to prevent them killing her parents but she manages to trap the gang in their wine cellar.
Not sure that is what you want to write, but it illustrates the point of her overcoming her flaw.
See lessAfter being attacked by a distressed mother of an obsessed fan, a girl band must escape their dressing room without being killed.
Could work as a comedy. ?But the designated genre is thriller.
Could work as a comedy. ?But the designated genre is thriller.
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