1. Posted: March 30, 2016In:

    A sadistic killer lures young girls into his trap when they log on a mega church’s good samaritan app. A small town deputy must face his own dark past in order to stop the killer before he strikes again.

    Karel Segers Logliner

    You could potentially do away with "good samaritan" It's a bit of a stopper, I was wondering what that might entail when really I need to be thinking about what your story is about. perhaps "Mega-churche's app" would suffice.

    You could potentially do away with “good samaritan” It’s a bit of a stopper, I was wondering what that might entail when really I need to be thinking about what your story is about. perhaps “Mega-churche’s app” would suffice.

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  2. Posted: March 23, 2016In:

    In The City – A dirty cop with a gambling debt he must pay off with 24 hours forces a fast-talking criminal to take him to a lockbox full of cash he claims is stashed somewhere in the city.

    dpg Singularity

    Given that in the U.S. cops as a group have a serious public image problem, are widely despised and distrusted, why would an audience?lay?out $10-$12 and invest 90-120 minutes of their precious time in a story about ?a dirty one?What is there about this dirty cop that would induce them to see the moRead more

    Given that in the U.S. cops as a group have a serious public image problem, are widely despised and distrusted, why would an audience?lay?out $10-$12 and invest 90-120 minutes of their precious time in a story about ?a dirty one?

    What is there about this dirty cop that would induce them to see the movie, let alone?sympathize with his predicament, condone his methods, root for him to succeed??

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  3. Posted: March 21, 2016In:

    When a young mother encounters a random woman in a crowd, she is mysteriously filled with an unceasing desire to kill her, and must do so before the other woman kills her first.

    dpg Singularity

    I suggest? it might help if the logline were to play the concept of a? hate mate against that?of a soul mate to cue readers, help them grasp your story conceit.? For example, something like:After a?woman?loses her soul mate to?cancer, she discovers her hate mate, a woman whom she?has the overwhelminRead more

    I suggest? it might help if the logline were to play the concept of a? hate mate against that?of a soul mate to cue readers, help them grasp your story conceit.? For example, something like:

    After a?woman?loses her soul mate to?cancer, she discovers her hate mate, a woman whom she?has the overwhelming?desire to kill as strong as her desire was to love.

    (Or her hate mate could be a man. Whatever.)

    As I posted earlier, I think?the hook of the story is the hate mate concept.??From her overwhelming desire arises her objective goal: to kill her.??The dramatic question is:? will she follow through, will she succeed in killing the hated other? (That the goal is negative?does not disqualify it?from being a valid objective goal.)?

    I think you can squeeze a lot of suspense out of the concept.? Best wishes.

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