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A duty-bound family woman, unbearably taunted by her cruel husband and co-conspiring offspring, finds release in the joy of serial killing, until seduced by an unsuspecting victim.
I also find this intriguing, particularly because it is a female lead involved in possible justified deviant behavior. I would omit a few words from this simply because I feel you may be repeating things, that would then give you more room to add new details if you wished. For example "family" is imRead more
I also find this intriguing, particularly because it is a female lead involved in possible justified deviant behavior.
I would omit a few words from this simply because I feel you may be repeating things, that would then give you more room to add new details if you wished.
For example “family” is implied when you mention the husband and offspring
“unbearably” possibly remove that and increase the stakes of the word taunted with a stronger word choice?.
Also “release in the joy” could we not argue any emotion is a release, e/motion = energy in motion could you possibly omit one of those words or rephrase with a stronger word choice.
“emancipates herself in …..”
A question, what kid of serial killing is it? Could it be possible to add a little specificity with regards to that?
See lessNow we’re on the run, we gotta finesse a ton, mama say prison ain’t no fun. There’s no time for flaw, when we’re ducking the law, mama say shoot till we fall.
Appreciate the rapping. But this might fit better as a tag line of sorts. You know, the build up you see written on a movie poster. Log line needs to be a little more specific. Who is We? Why on the run to begin with? Industry readers want to know you have some substance to your work.
Appreciate the rapping. But this might fit better as a tag line of sorts. You know, the build up you see written on a movie poster. Log line needs to be a little more specific. Who is We? Why on the run to begin with? Industry readers want to know you have some substance to your work.
See lessWhen a mysterious stranger hires an adept journalist in a mind investigation firm, he discovers the shocking truth – his life is but a dream world wrought by his new boss, Satan, and forced to choose between his lover and career.
This logline is confusing. 1: The logline does not tell us who the "He" is. You have a mysterious stranger and an adept journalist, then you say, he, but do not say which 'he' you mean. In order to clarify this you should try writing it more along the lines of: "When he's hired by a mysterious stranRead more
This logline is confusing.
1: The logline does not tell us who the “He” is. You have a mysterious stranger and an adept journalist, then you say, he, but do not say which ‘he’ you mean.
In order to clarify this you should try writing it more along the lines of:
“When he’s hired by a mysterious stranger, an adept journalist working for a mind investigation firm discovers…”
2: The logline does not address the central problem.
a: Problem: He is living in a dream world
b: Solution: Must choose between career and lover?
So the solution of choosing between career and lover doesn’t solve the problem of living in a dream world.
Anyway, hope this helped, the first problem is easily fixed with a little shuffling of words, the second problem is more difficult since I don’t know the full story, I am not sure what the solution is.
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