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On the verge of capture, Vera, a peevish teenage Jew, flees the Nazi invasion of her Romanian village and crosses paths with a British secret service agent who reluctantly mentors her after she learns of her family?s murder. When her mentor is exposed as a double agent, she launches a vicious global vendetta to bring Nazi war criminals to justice before they can disappear into post-WWII hiding.
You shouldn't need to explain the need for a mentor in a logline, as mentors are archetypes often used in many genres. To that matter the presence of a mentor may work well in the story, but their mention in the logline is not necessary either.
You shouldn’t need to explain the need for a mentor in a logline, as mentors are archetypes often used in many genres. To that matter the presence of a mentor may work well in the story, but their mention in the logline is not necessary either.
See lessParanoid and close to breaking a drug addicted army medic must survive a plot to get him killed after he discusses a friendly fire cover up.
There are too many? "we don't know" or "it could be real or not" moments in your explanation of the story. As you are obviously still structuring the basic plot, try to simplify it in a logline paradigm and ignore the paranoia tendencies at this stage. Main character is: The army medic. MC flaw is:Read more
There are too many? “we don’t know” or “it could be real or not” moments in your explanation of the story.
As you are obviously still structuring the basic plot, try to simplify it in a logline paradigm and ignore the paranoia tendencies at this stage.
Main character is:
The army medic.
MC flaw is:
Drug addiction.
Inciting incident could be:
1 – Death of his fellow soldiers.
or
2 – His discovery of the friendly-fire cover up.
or
3 – An attempt on his life.
His obstacle is:
The bad officers in his regiment.
His goal could be:
1 – To kill the assassins.
or
2 – To kill his commanding officer.
or
3 – To bring the bad officers before a court martial.
I suggest you pick one inciting incident and a goal and re draft the logline with those.
See lessA fledgling detective pursues a serial killer and is faced with panic attacks when she gets too close.
An interesting concept! Firstly, the she in the latter half of the sentence is referring to the serial killer grammatically, not sure if that's what you intended? I would like to know more about the story and conflict, I understand the detective has a man vs himself conflict developing with her struRead more
An interesting concept! Firstly, the she in the latter half of the sentence is referring to the serial killer grammatically, not sure if that’s what you intended? I would like to know more about the story and conflict, I understand the detective has a man vs himself conflict developing with her struggle to overcome her panic, and the man vs man conflict with the serial killer is also there, but maybe what’s bothering me is that your detective doesn’t sound active enough? Perhaps changing “faced with” to “struggles to overcome” might give her more agency. Something to consider.
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