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  1. Posted: November 19, 2015In: Thriller

    A hard-boiled bank auditor decides to get along with her disgruntled colleagues but finds a note warning her of a series of e-frauds targeted to sink her bank, now she must tighten up to find out out who the master thief is or lose her job.

    seanamulvihill Logliner
    Added an answer on December 7, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    i would lose the part about getting along with others, you don't need it. ?but i don't see the arc of the protagonist: if she is already hard boiled, why does she need to tighten up?

    i would lose the part about getting along with others, you don’t need it. ?but i don’t see the arc of the protagonist: if she is already hard boiled, why does she need to tighten up?

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  2. Posted: November 24, 2015In: Thriller

    After a tech genius jokingly replies to a scam e-mail, she must go on the run from a murderous prince who wants his twenty million dollars back.

    seanamulvihill Logliner
    Added an answer on December 7, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    I like the original logline. ?I read it as he thought it was a scam so he set up a fake bank account, gave it to the scammer/prince (who was not a scammer and genuinely needed help -- maybe because he was being held hostage by a gang), and when the money is transferred, he takes it all before the gaRead more

    I like the original logline. ?I read it as he thought it was a scam so he set up a fake bank account, gave it to the scammer/prince (who was not a scammer and genuinely needed help — maybe because he was being held hostage by a gang), and when the money is transferred, he takes it all before the gang gets the money. ?So he ends up having to save the prince himself because he can’t go to the cops. ?So he assembles a group of hacker friends to go on a mission to save the prince.

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  3. Posted: November 24, 2015In: Thriller

    While investigating a string of mutilations, the ruthless leader of a post apocalyptic settlement must unravel a brutal plot to overthrow him.

    victortiti89 Penpusher
    Added an answer on December 3, 2015 at 4:12 am

    Interesting concept. A few comments, though: If you say the leader is ruthless, the audience would not be on his side, they would actually want the plot to succeed. Maybe if the leader wasn't ruthless, just " tough " would do... In which case, why would anyone want to overthrow him? Perhaps the plotRead more

    Interesting concept. A few comments, though: If you say the leader is ruthless, the audience would not be on his side, they would actually want the plot to succeed. Maybe if the leader wasn’t ruthless, just ” tough ” would do… In which case, why would anyone want to overthrow him? Perhaps the plot is led by an outside force… And maybe the leader should change during the story/script (character arc) from being tough, ruthless, to being a better man and a better ruler(not necessarily nicer, just better)…

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