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When a meek chemistry teacher is diagnosed with lung cancer, he must earn $740,000 by cooking meth to provide for his family after his death.
Good stuff Karel, here's my no comma spin. A meek chemistry teacher diagnosed with terminal lung cancer must earn $740,000 by selling his signature blue meth to secure his family’s future.
Good stuff Karel, here’s my no comma spin.
A meek chemistry teacher diagnosed with terminal lung cancer must earn $740,000 by selling his signature blue meth to secure his family’s future.
See lessIt’s 2151 and a bio scientist finds herself in the middle of the largest coverup in history. She begins a race against time to expose her former CEO?s deceit or else mankind changes forever.
Still not making any sense and has extraneous apostrophes. Why does it matter what year it is? There's nothing else described here which couldn't be happening right now. Why does it matter that she's timid? How does this character trait affect her actions, conflicts, and situations within the story?Read more
Still not making any sense and has extraneous apostrophes. Why does it matter what year it is? There’s nothing else described here which couldn’t be happening right now.
Why does it matter that she’s timid? How does this character trait affect her actions, conflicts, and situations within the story? Where is the irony of this issue? Why is she racing against time? What’s setting that time limit, what’s the rush?
What you’re doing here is introducing ideas without making it clear why they’re a part of the story, thus, we don’t get a clear idea of the story.
Even more unclear is the latter part: who’s going to be controlling society? The artificial humans? Why is that bad? Or does the CEO want control? Why? How’s that going to affect people?
Like I said, the ideas are presented but not the story. Tell us the basics of what happens in the first half. And proofread the apostrophes.
See lessWhen? a young? detective gets challenged by a killer, he will have to ask help to his wise mentor? with whom he had? fought hard.
INTENTION: must find a killer? OBSTACLE: his pride?? You need to push in on both of these. My notes: 1. Why is it so important he find this killer? (I know he?s probably on a rampage or whatever.) Perhaps he?s steadily targeting detective?s family or something? Detective challenged by killer is alsoRead more
INTENTION: must find a killer?
OBSTACLE: his pride??
You need to push in on both of these.
My notes:
1. Why is it so important he find this killer? (I know he?s probably on a rampage or whatever.) Perhaps he?s steadily targeting detective?s family or something? Detective challenged by killer is also quite cliche and neutral. You?ve gotta spin that and introduce something new to that idea.
2. The obstacle isn?t that strong just yet. Or perhaps not specific enough. Why is it so hard to ask for help? Maybe the wise mentor is a former detective turned killer/convict. (Hmm – too Silence of the Lambs, but you get what I?m saying.)
3. Give this detective a real Sophie?s choice. A dilemma. I mean – lives are on the line. This guy would ask for help regardless of past history/pride, etc.
Maybe mentor killed his family or something?
Anyways – hope you get something from this. Good luck!
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