1. Posted: April 10, 2020In:

    A serial killer is driven by the voice of God to kill five killers ? in order to keep the woman he?s falling in love with, a Christian, who is giving him a conscience.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    The goals and obstacles don?t line up perfectly so it feels a little disjointed. He is killing killers because god says if he does a woman will live him? Does she already love him? If yes, then what would change that.? If she was a good woman, him just killing would end it. If he had no conscience wRead more

    The goals and obstacles don?t line up perfectly so it feels a little disjointed.

    He is killing killers because god says if he does a woman will live him? Does she already love him? If yes, then what would change that.?

    If she was a good woman, him just killing would end it. If he had no conscience why would she be in love with him? I think that detail brings in confusion rather than a good question.

    ?Believing God told him to kill 5 people to retain the love of his devout wife. A man struggles with killing and keeping it secret from his confidant to avoid disappointing her?.

    This is not your story. But the goal and obstacles are more directly aligned.

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  2. Posted: April 9, 2020In:

    “A guilt-ridden hunter must protect his family from a murderous gang when he accidentally kills their leader’s daughter.”

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    My try:After accidentally killing a drug lord's daughter, a guilt-ridden hunter must protect his family from the gangster's rage.Start with the inciting event and with the goal.The biggest problem with this logline is that there's no definitive end to the story.? As it's not clear what protecting thRead more

    My try:

    After accidentally killing a drug lord’s daughter, a guilt-ridden hunter must protect his family from the gangster’s rage.

    Start with the inciting event and with the goal.

    The biggest problem with this logline is that there’s no definitive end to the story.? As it’s not clear what protecting the family entails, we don’t understand what the action is and how long it goes for. For a week, a month, a year? And how does he protect them? Fending off assassination attempts, killing the gangster?

    ?

    ?

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  3. Posted: February 6, 2018In:

    When FBI agent went to Niger to investigate the death of four America soldiers killed Niger ambush, get into quagmire.

    Richiev Singularity

    One thing I see about your loglines; you are writing in the past tense but scrips and loglines are written in the present tense because things happen on the screen, right now. Just some helpful advice

    One thing I see about your loglines; you are writing in the past tense but scrips and loglines are written in the present tense because things happen on the screen, right now.

    Just some helpful advice

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