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After an immodest teenager gets jilted at the school dance by her boyfriend and then loses the homecoming competition, she stumbles upon family secrets of lies and an unsolved murder mystery that turns her life upside down.
The setup and the goal should match.Your logline starts with one setup: The lead gets jilted (Which would imply being jilted is what the story is about)Then changes to family secrets.If the goal of the lead character is to solve the family secret. Then what sets the story in motion is when the leadRead more
The setup and the goal should match.
Your logline starts with one setup: The lead gets jilted (Which would imply being jilted is what the story is about)
Then changes to family secrets.
If the goal of the lead character is to solve the family secret. Then what sets the story in motion is when the lead discovers the family has a secret.
See lessA young medium is tasked with cleansing an old mansion but the spirits would kill to protect their dark secrets.
"...would kill..." should be 'kill' - make the danger imminent. Also, it would be better to make the stakes more personal. For example: After her brother is lost in a haunted mansion, a medium must cleanse the murdering spirits away to save his life.
“…would kill…” should be ‘kill’ – make the danger imminent.
Also, it would be better to make the stakes more personal.
For example:
After her brother is lost in a haunted mansion, a medium must cleanse the murdering spirits away to save his life.
See lessTwo sworn enemies become trapped in an isolated house, fighting off violent locals, after one of them is accused of a hit and run.
Hi darkhorse, The logline makes me want to ask questions. Why are they sworn enemies? Why, if only one of them is accused, are they both fighting off the locals?
Hi darkhorse,
See lessThe logline makes me want to ask questions. Why are they sworn enemies? Why, if only one of them is accused, are they both fighting off the locals?