“An immoral celebrity survivalist must convince a group of his defrauded fans to defend his remote compound from a ruthless gang of killers after the electric grid collapses and society devolves into chaos.” (33 words)
and
“When society devolves into chaos after the electric grid collapses, an immoral celebrity survivalist leads a group of defrauded fans to defend his remote compound from a ruthless gang of killers who are out to kill him and his family.” (40 words)

I think the goal and inciting incident lack a causal relationship. It seems like there’s a step missing, between the event described and the cause of forming the goal. You could easily change the goal to many different things. Change “defend his remote compound from a ruthless gang of killers who are out to kill him and his family.” to “reach destination.” It still works. That’s not how an inciting incident should work.
If you take a look at this:?https://www.keepwriting.com/tsc/magnificent7plotpoints.htm
It defines two terms: ‘Catalyst’ and ‘Big Event’. The ‘Catalyst’ is similar to what we refer to as the inciting incident, but it’s not the event which forces the protagonist? into the main conflict. If you examine these plot points, the event which we refer to as inciting incident should be what the ‘Big Event’ is.
In fact, I think this link:?https://thewritepractice.com/inciting-incident/?describes it better.

Looking at your attempt,
Inciting incident: “When society devolves into chaos after the electric grid collapses”
Climax: Showdown between gang and protagonist. —-> Huh? How is this an inevitable outcome from the inciting incident? So, what you’ve described above is the ‘Catalyst’.

To fix this, you must find a way to work in the background of the society’s situation. Does the gang cause the electric grid to collapse? Also, the goal described in the logline should define an ending. “defend his compound” could go on until he dies. Defend it?until? what?

After the gang that collapsed the electric grid raids his home, an immoral celebrity survivalist must lead a group of fans to defend his remote compound and defeat the attackers. (30 words).