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Based on true events, a lonesome Sheriff?s lieutenant takes a supernatural, spiritual journey while attempting to unravel a conspiracy involving unsolved murders and missing persons and, in the process, has his cynical worldview turned upside down.
In all iterations of the logline thus far, the protag is described as being rather passive and emotionally disconnected. If it were me and my wife/girlfriend was killed, I'd be out there kicking ass to find the culprit - the rhetoric in a logline is as important as the details.What specifically MUSTRead more
In all iterations of the logline thus far, the protag is described as being rather passive and emotionally disconnected. If it were me and my wife/girlfriend was killed, I’d be out there kicking ass to find the culprit – the rhetoric in a logline is as important as the details.
What specifically MUST he do as a result of his loved one’s murder? Stop the cartel? Prevent others from being killed in the same way? His motivation to react to the event must be crystal clear.
My try:
See lessAfter a satanic drug syndicate murder his wife, an atheist sheriff must team up with a preacher’s daughter and the DEA to stop them from killing again.
A Secret Service agent kills the President to save the Presidency. 20 years later, he must help save his estranged daughter, the newest President, when she is taken hostage.
The biggest problem is you have a really cool open shot and you are desperate for us to see it. Link it to the story and it will make sense. Also stop with the cryptic sentence, does you no favours.
The biggest problem is you have a really cool open shot and you are desperate for us to see it.
Link it to the story and it will make sense. Also stop with the cryptic sentence, does you no favours.
See lessA hostile takeover of America causes a couple to stop bickering and start working together.
Never start a logline with "When such-and-such happens, a person must..." It's weak. No one cares about events, we care about people. Introduce the people we should care about, what's happening to them, what they intend to do about it, and what's at stake if they fail. If your ending is that they faRead more
Never start a logline with “When such-and-such happens, a person must…” It’s weak. No one cares about events, we care about people. Introduce the people we should care about, what’s happening to them, what they intend to do about it, and what’s at stake if they fail.
If your ending is that they fail, don’t mention that part in the logline – that’s the part people need to read to discover. Nothing wrong with a downer ending, but the goal of a logline is to get people interested enough to read more, and you get people interested by presenting compelling characters with an opportunity to succeed or fail – and the initial interest lies in whether or not they will, or how they will.
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