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This is a personal spec
>>>He discovers that they were responsible for the death of his fiancee. Surely that would be the inciting incident then. After discovering his family are responsible for his fianc?'s death... Sullen IT manager: I think there may be a better way to describe this guy. The characteristic (sulRead more
>>>He discovers that they were responsible for the death of his fiancee.
Surely that would be the inciting incident then.
After discovering his family are responsible for his fianc?’s death…
Sullen IT manager: I think there may be a better way to describe this guy. The characteristic (sullen) is usually something that can help represent the character’s internal arc in the story (selfish -> compassionate / sad -> happy) so think how you could use this to your advantage. By telling us he’s an IT Manager, we can assume that this comes into play somehow i.e. he uses his knowledge of technology to take down his family. If it has no bearing on the story then maybe make his profession something that could come into play.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a woman is killed after stealing a memory, a washed up detective tracks her killer, who begins to taunt him with more victims and memories.
The mechanics of your story world are hard to grasp from this logline -- perhaps it's worth leaning more heavily on the human and easy to grasp aspect of the story. (Detective must catch a killer). That being the case: - it's not clear how the initial murder is connected personally to the detectiveRead more
The mechanics of your story world are hard to grasp from this logline — perhaps it’s worth leaning more heavily on the human and easy to grasp aspect of the story. (Detective must catch a killer).
That being the case:
– it’s not clear how the initial murder is connected personally to the detective in question. It just feels like the character’s job … and even if that’s the case, it’s not like there is anything at stake if the protagonist fails in his goal beside faceless victims. (For instance, could the protagonist be about to be kicked off the force, and he needs to do this job well in order to keep his job?) Or — was the victim somehow linked to the protagonist?
– it’s not clear WHY the antagonist is taunting this particular cop. What beef does he have with him? Why taunt him?
See lessLOGLINE FOR A ‘PSYCH-THRILLER’ In order to restore virtue following a discriminatory arrest, a gutsy but ill-fated escort-worker must withstand and negotiate her way through, the next 24 hours locked-down alongside a parasitic anti-social, who evidently knows more about her than she should.
>>restore virtue What's the visual?? What does "restored virtue" look like?? Film is graphic medium.? The objective goal needs to be concrete, not abstract, something the audience can see on the screen.
>>restore virtue
What’s the visual?? What does “restored virtue” look like?? Film is graphic medium.? The objective goal needs to be concrete, not abstract, something the audience can see on the screen.
See less