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A cryptographer, losing touch with reality, discovers that his CIA handler is being exploited as a sex slave. To save her he must abandon his life's work.
Hi TOAST. The element of his handler being exploited as a sex slave sounds almost comedic to me, but I'm not sure it's intended like that. Maybe something like "held prisoner" would alleviate that. Also, the antagonist is elusive here. Clearly, it is whoever is doing the exploiting and the hero's psRead more
Hi TOAST.
The element of his handler being exploited as a sex slave sounds almost comedic to me, but I’m not sure it’s intended like that. Maybe something like “held prisoner” would alleviate that. Also, the antagonist is elusive here. Clearly, it is whoever is doing the exploiting and the hero’s psychosis, but maybe it would benefit the logline to clarify where the main opposition will come from and why the adversary is so formidable to overcome.
See lessFormer government agent Liam Dunham is determined to kill his ex-wife Samantha Ryan by any means possible. He becomes like the very terrorists he was trained to fight. Samantha Ryan is a DoD Agency Director determined to protect her son from him, the estranged and monster of an ex husband while trying to prevent an international incident in the process.
Hi Presario2200, Several issues I see with this logline: 1. Loglines don't mention character names 2. Why is the former agent determined to kill his ex, in other words, what does this accomplish? Is he taking revenge for something? The way you wrote it almost feels like he's doing this on a whim, beRead more
Hi Presario2200,
Several issues I see with this logline:
1. Loglines don’t mention character names
2. Why is the former agent determined to kill his ex, in other words, what does this accomplish? Is he taking revenge for something? The way you wrote it almost feels like he’s doing this on a whim, becoming like a terrorist as you say. What makes him this way?
3. Why is she now protecting her son from him, if he wants to kill her? What is the international incident exactly? This sound all vague and muddled up to me…
Try to clarify who the hero is, what exactly he/she is trying to accomplish and what the tangible consequences of his/her failure will be.
See lessAfter a decade apart, a guilt-ridden Irish banker who is terminally ill must reveal to her American baseball star/ex-boyfriend that her preteen daughter is actually his, so she can die in peace.
Hi carllord, Sounds more like a character arc than a logline to me. You have an internal development of the hero laid out here, but I am missing the main obstacle keeping the hero from achieving his goal. Since she's terminally ill, she should have a fairly easy time admitting this, or who else willRead more
Hi carllord,
See lessSounds more like a character arc than a logline to me. You have an internal development of the hero laid out here, but I am missing the main obstacle keeping the hero from achieving his goal. Since she’s terminally ill, she should have a fairly easy time admitting this, or who else will take care of her daughter when she’s gone? While the irony of the situation sounds great, I don’t see where the main opposition is coming from, either internally or externally. Certainly no match against her impending death and leaving her little girl to fend for herself…