1. Posted: July 22, 2015In:

    A racially maligned orphan prone to violence is unwillingly thrust into politics and must fight for those who have vilified her to avoid civil war as well as protect her friends

    Thanks guys, I appreciate the advice. I'm thinking I may have to scrap this one and try a new one. Will try again later!

    Thanks guys, I appreciate the advice. I’m thinking I may have to scrap this one and try a new one. Will try again later!

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  2. Posted: June 26, 2015In:

    When a young computer prodigy discovers he exists in a virtual world, he reprograms reality to save his father with cataclysmic consequences.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    The most recent draft of the logline is too long and includes too much redundant detail. What is the specific plot beats you need to make this story work? Inciting incident is the discovery of living in a computer generated world. The goal is to either live with his parents again then is is to saveRead more

    The most recent draft of the logline is too long and includes too much redundant detail. What is the specific plot beats you need to make this story work?
    Inciting incident is the discovery of living in a computer generated world.
    The goal is to either live with his parents again then is is to save the world.

    I think saving the world is a bigger stake and therefor think it would make for a better goal. As such the inciting incident needs to instigate him to need to save the world. Perhaps all of humanity live happily in a computer and are fully aware of it to. Then the inciting incident can be his discovery that the digital universe he lives in is falling apart and as a result needs to take action.

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  3. Posted: July 19, 2015In:

    In 1950?s Los Angeles a vengeful rookie DA learns to think like the notorious criminals he prosecutes in order to bring justice to the Southland.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Think like a criminal is way to vague and doesn't say enough. Does he become violent or mean or start taking drugs. It doesn't say enough for me to form an opinion on the story. I worked in intelligence and ran several investigation teams. If anyone is interested in how an investigation is run emailRead more

    Think like a criminal is way to vague and doesn’t say enough. Does he become violent or mean or start taking drugs. It doesn’t say enough for me to form an opinion on the story.

    I worked in intelligence and ran several investigation teams. If anyone is interested in how an investigation is run email me. craig.griffiths@askfindbuy.com it might help anyone wanting to write real cop stuff.

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