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When a lonely young girl connects with an online friend who turns out to be the past version of her deceased best friend’s mother, they must collaborate across different time periods to change their intertwined destinies and rewrite a tragic fate.
I like the authenticity of this idea of conversing with the deceased through this line of connection. What is unclear to me is what is their collaboration to change the past? Would it be better to potentially have the best friend and the mother alive now, however the mother converses with the girl tRead more
I like the authenticity of this idea of conversing with the deceased through this line of connection. What is unclear to me is what is their collaboration to change the past? Would it be better to potentially have the best friend and the mother alive now, however the mother converses with the girl to inform her of their demise and what she needs to do to change their fates.
See lessWhen a Benedictine monk sees his father get murdered, he must give up his faith to seek revenge upon his father’s killer.
Very good! It could help to know who killed his father, but great concept overall.
Very good! It could help to know who killed his father, but great concept overall.
See lessA band in the 1980’s struggles to keep their friendship intact and meet the demands of the job as their bassist slowly succumbs to addiction, they must find a way to help their friend or risk losing him and their careers.
The first thing is it's a run-on sentence. The comma after addiction should be a period or it should be reworked. I think it sounds like a good story, though. Also, it's not clear who the main character is. Even if it's an ensemble, there is always a main character who the audience experiences the sRead more
The first thing is it’s a run-on sentence. The comma after addiction should be a period or it should be reworked. I think it sounds like a good story, though.
Also, it’s not clear who the main character is. Even if it’s an ensemble, there is always a main character who the audience experiences the story with, usually the one who has the most change to undergo and/or the one who drives the action the most. In “That thing you do” it’s the drummer even though everyone has an arc. So I would worry seeing this logline that the script may not feature a good solid main character with a clear goal.
And even if they can’t save their friend from addiction, can’t they just get another bassist? That points to the stakes. The risk of losing their friend to addiction is I think more compelling than the risk to their band or career.
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