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When a woman with abandonment issues gets dumped, she drags her pregnant bestie on a roadtrip, attempting to find love again. Halfway there, she learns she too is pregnant. She considers keeping the baby, so as to never be alone again. Forced to deliver her friend’s baby in the car, she realizes her need is not a baby, but the love that has always been in their friendship.
Super fun, I took some liberties giving you a destination, leaning towards: “A jilted woman is forced to find herself when dragging her pregnant bestie on a Mardi Gras roller-coaster road trip in search of love” Hope you find this constructive, keep going!
Super fun, I took some liberties giving you a destination, leaning towards:
“A jilted woman is forced to find herself when dragging her pregnant bestie on a Mardi Gras roller-coaster road trip in search of love”
Hope you find this constructive, keep going!
See lessA cold-hearted journalist records a documentary about a very talented e-sport player until she discovers the hardness of being born unlucky.
CHARACTER: "A cold-hearted journalist..." Okay, that's definitely a flaw and a possible start for a transformation arc. EVENT: You don't have one. No inciting incident. We know she is shooting a documentary about an e-sport player (whatever that is... What is that? If I don't know what it is, thereRead more
CHARACTER: “A cold-hearted journalist…” Okay, that’s definitely a flaw and a possible start for a transformation arc.
EVENT: You don’t have one. No inciting incident. We know she is shooting a documentary about an e-sport player (whatever that is… What is that? If I don’t know what it is, there must be more people who don’t know what it is.)
ACTION: You don’t have one. “She discovers the hardness of being born unlucky” is not an action. What does she want and how can she get it? That’s what drives a story.
See lessA young woman, whose boxing brother has been violent towards her all her life, decides to finally overcome her inner fear and learn how to box so that she can defeat him once and for all.
It's an interesting premise, but I suggest it may need some refinement. >>>learn how to box How is she going to learn? She's going to need a teacher, right? And given the nature of coach-athlete relationship, doesn't that mean the coach character will get a significant amount of screen timeRead more
It’s an interesting premise, but I suggest it may need some refinement.
>>>learn how to box
How is she going to learn? She’s going to need a teacher, right? And given the nature of coach-athlete relationship, doesn’t that mean the coach character will get a significant amount of screen time? Perhaps more than her brother? That an important relationship, bonds of mutual respect will develop out of what initially will be an odd couple relationship?
Shouldn’t the story and logline incorporate that relationship in her struggle?
fwiw
fwiw
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