1. Posted: September 5, 2018In:

    When a botched scientific experiment enables her to read minds, a reserved psychology student realises the intrusive burden of her ability and must discover how to reverse her gift to restore her normal life.

    dpg Singularity

    I'm a never-say-never guy, but mrliteral's rewrite is a good example of how to get around starting a logline with "when".? A practice,I agree, is overused.

    I’m a never-say-never guy, but mrliteral’s rewrite is a good example of how to get around starting a logline with “when”.? A practice,I agree, is overused.

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  2. Posted: September 21, 2018In:

    REVISED: When her beloved grandma passes away, an estranged young woman must find a way of fulfilling her grandma?s last wish while struggling to reconnect with her dysfunctional family at the funeral.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    So family... Best to avoid repetition and use details that build on one another in a concept. Perhaps she struggles to connect with a particular family member instead of the whole family? Describe who died instead of a generic family member. Who specifically does she need to catch up with? Brother,Read more

    So family…

    Best to avoid repetition and use details that build on one another in a concept.

    Perhaps she struggles to connect with a particular family member instead of the whole family? Describe who died instead of a generic family member. Who specifically does she need to catch up with? Brother, sister, twin, etc…

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  3. Posted: September 5, 2018In:

    When their son takes his own life, his determined mother must seek out her orphaned nephew in an effort to support his dreams like she never could for her own child.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    mrliteral: >>>Never start a logline with ?When.? Why never?? Would you care to explain?

    mrliteral:
    >>>Never start a logline with ?When.?

    Why never?? Would you care to explain?

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