1. Posted: September 5, 2018In:

    When a hurricane kills a middle-aged man and his nephew, the boy?s grieving father must manage his wife?s deteriorating mental health and his company?s spiralling recession.

    Cajsa Penpusher

    Try making the goal more visual. The goal ?must manage his wife?s deteriorating mental health and his company?s spiralling recession? is not something you can clearly see. How does he manage his wife?s deteriorating mental health and when has he succeeded? If you make the goal more concrete you willRead more

    Try making the goal more visual. The goal ?must manage his wife?s deteriorating mental health and his company?s spiralling recession? is not something you can clearly see. How does he manage his wife?s deteriorating mental health and when has he succeeded?

    If you make the goal more concrete you will have a stronger logline and also have a clear end to work against when you write the script. Don?t be afraid to spoil the end.

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  2. Posted: September 5, 2018In:

    When a nightmare depicts her committing a murder, an insecure paramedic must make questionable decisions at work to avoid her fear of the nightmare coming true.

    haannaa Penpusher

    I think it's a very interesting concept, just add a few more details and make the logline a bit clearer. Will "the murder" she commit be at the hospital, and that is why she's making questionable decisions?

    I think it’s a very interesting concept, just add a few more details and make the logline a bit clearer. Will “the murder” she commit be at the hospital, and that is why she’s making questionable decisions?

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  3. Posted: January 31, 2018In:

    After the death of his estranged mother, a young Wall Street executive is haunted by the ghost of his father until he mourns her properly.

    dpg Singularity

    Clever, Richiev.? A better title, perhaps would be "A Christmas Carole".The backstory of the logline is that mother and son became estranged.? What is the wedge issue that drove them apart?? That's what the story is about, what all the haunting must drive him to resolve?But it has to be about more tRead more

    Clever, Richiev.? A better title, perhaps would be “A Christmas Carole”.

    The backstory of the logline is that mother and son became estranged.? What is the wedge issue that drove them apart?? That’s what the story is about, what all the haunting must drive him to resolve?

    But it has to be about more than mending the past.? It must be an issue he needs to resolve in order to live his life going forward.? If he fails to resolve the issue, his life is doomed to an unhappy ending. (As was the case for Scrooge.)

    The fundamental problem I see with this logline is that it sets up a “rear view mirror” plot; that, is a story line where the focus is on the past.? But plots are — or should be — about how people are to live looking forward in time.? Just as you cannot drive a car forward by looking solely through the rear view mirror, a plot cannot advance satisfactorily with a protagonist whose gaze is fixated on the past.? Ultimately, what matters is where the protagonist must go in the future, not where he failed to go in the past.

    fwiw

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