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When a group of Sth African migrant teenagers go on a road trip they have an accident that leaves one the boys paralysed from the waist down but when the parents of the injured boy engage in a legal battle against the young driver it divides a community in a gripping saga of tradegy and triumph.
Saga of tragedy and triumph is the story. Focus on that After injuring his friend in a car crash a boy.... A legal battle for compensation after a car crash divides a poor African town but drives the two boys involved closer. The background is nice, but could be done in the opening credits. Give meRead more
Saga of tragedy and triumph is the story. Focus on that
After injuring his friend in a car crash a boy….
A legal battle for compensation after a car crash divides a poor African town but drives the two boys involved closer.
The background is nice, but could be done in the opening credits. Give me the real meat of the story.
See lessAn inexperienced rookie detective operates undercover in the Berlin nightlife to solve the mysterious vanishing of disco visitors until he himself becomes a victim of physical and psychological abuse.
Good comments above. Most good modern detective stories have a way of inciting the investigation in a way that is unusual for the detective. Reason being that discovering a murder would be a normal part of a detective's work day, therefore by definition it can't be an inciting incident. If the murdeRead more
Good comments above.
Most good modern detective stories have a way of inciting the investigation in a way that is unusual for the detective. Reason being that discovering a murder would be a normal part of a detective’s work day, therefore by definition it can’t be an inciting incident. If the murder is made personal, i.e someone he knows or better yet cares about, then it would be out of the ordinary and raise the stakes of catching the killer even more.
Also best to avoid strange descriptions such as “…disco visitors…” – this descriptions raises more questions than it should. One could deduct that it is a patron of a disco-tech or night club, but as we don’t know what a disco visitor actually is, it comes across as confusing.
See lessWhen an experimental medical chamber explodes, the ensuing capital murder trial pits the accused mother of an autistic boy killed in the blast against the Korean immigrant owners. [28] OR During the capital murder trial following the deadly explosion of an experimental medical chamber, the Korean immigrant owners and other victims must decide whether to reveal the secrets that could exonerate the defendant, the mother of an autistic boy killed in the blast, but devastate their own families. [48] {For a novel – literary courtroom drama]
Agreed with Richiev and DPG. It looks as if the interesting part of your logline is the dilemma the immigrants have as a result of being forced to choose between their own need and that of an innocent stranger. If this is the case then I suggest re structuring the plot in a way that the story elemenRead more
Agreed with Richiev and DPG.
It looks as if the interesting part of your logline is the dilemma the immigrants have as a result of being forced to choose between their own need and that of an innocent stranger. If this is the case then I suggest re structuring the plot in a way that the story elements, which create the dilemma, are? simpler and the cause and effect relationship binding them together is clear.
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