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When a frustrated intelligence analyst realises that she has unique insight into a series of international assassinations, she must level up into the world of global espionage to learn more about the sociopathic young woman who is doing the killing. But is this a deadly game of cat and mouse, or a love story?
"But is this a deadly game of cat and mouse, or a love story?" - tacking this onto the end feels like a short cut. I recommend weaving the relationship line into the actual logline as this speaks to the story's conflict.
“But is this a deadly game of cat and mouse, or a love story?” – tacking this onto the end feels like a short cut. I recommend weaving the relationship line into the actual logline as this speaks to the story’s conflict.
See lessWhen a disaffected record company executive struggles to maintain relevance in the belly of the Australian music biz, he must find the next big thing – and keep his job – while battling a fresh bout of hearing loss.
A shy but talented music scout must find the next big thing — or lose his job — while battling to regain his hearing.
A shy but talented music scout must find the next big thing — or lose his job — while battling to regain his hearing.
See lessLelia, a vampire warrior, is forced to leave home to end an ongoing war between the human kingdoms before her own kind decide to end it their way. [v2.0] [TV] [Fantasy]
This is better, I can now visualize the war. The next step would be telling us why stopping the war between humans is important to her. Because she is a vampire but she is trying to save humanity, it would be good to at least hint at why. Is she in love with a human? Or perhaps raised by humans? (AgRead more
This is better, I can now visualize the war.
The next step would be telling us why stopping the war between humans is important to her.
Because she is a vampire but she is trying to save humanity, it would be good to at least hint at why.
Is she in love with a human? Or perhaps raised by humans? (Again I wouldn’t say more than a word or two if possible)
(One minor point, you don’t need to give the lead character’s proper name, saying she is a vampire warrior is strong enough)
This is definitely a step forward.
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